


The Bandaged Soul

by Iraiza



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Dark, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27210907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iraiza/pseuds/Iraiza
Summary: Yesung didnt know what to do with his life anymore, anything less it seemed he was walking on a thin glass which would shatter with on wrong move. He was living his life well, anything was perfect but then those days come again and drive him nearly insane, it has been 7 years but those things have never went away they come back always. It has been so tiring and it was too much and he was slowly breaking.Authors note: Okay guys, I am not sure whether I should rate it M or not, its going to be dark, so I will add trigger warnings beforehand. Please bear in mind this is my first fic so ......also since this is a fanfic, everything that happens with in this story stays inside it, if you find some similarities its just a coincidence.I hope you guys enjoy it.also I will update new chapters weekly, I will really appreciate if you guys can comment, also you can ask me stuff here or I am leaving my twitter idhttps://twitter.com/teargrants11
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been a week since the memories have resurfaced. I can see them every time I catch sight of my reflection in the mirror. I’ve been trying to avoid looking at it; it brings back too much pain and I have no time to think about it... But they crawl in the dark, in my sleep, when I am alone. It’s hard to ignore but I need to keep going. I can’t let the members know about this, they can’t think of me like that. In their eyes, I’m always the hyung who is there to support them, to lend a shoulder to them but never vice versa. I am their pillar to lean on. I can’t allow myself to crumble.

We’ve been practicing for the concert. I’m thankful at least that the busy routine has kept me from thinking, but not from noticing the worried looks I keep getting from the members. I can tell they’re keeping their distance from me but I’m thankful for it. Just let 2 weeks pass and I’ll be the same as ever. It’s just two weeks.

Eunhyuk and Shindong have been monitoring our dance and our movement. It’s always been tough having to adjust to the lineup changes but now since everyone’s back from military services, were finally having a full comeback with all the members… well not exactly full.he members who left such a long time ago each left spaces behind which can still be felt here and there. Heechul hyung also can’t participate with us in comebacks and concerts but he’s always there promoting us and we’ve all definitely appreciated his support. He’s still Super Junior after all.

Back in the practice room we were all taking a short break and taking a look at the steps so we could figure out where each member could improve. I could see I made the most mistakes in each and every part. I felt so sorry for holding the rest of the group back. Even after all these years my dancing has never improved.  
All of a sudden someone grabs my hands and I flinch, trying my best to hide my surprise but I can see I failed miserably.  
Kyuhyun: “Yesung Hyung, I thought you got rid of your nail biting habit.”  
Yesung: “what?”  
Kyuhyun: “You were biting your nails. That’s why I grabbed your hands.”  
I was biting my nails? I didn’t even notice.  
Kyuhyun: “you didn’t realize, did you?”  
Yesung: “...no I guess not..., it’s become a habit.”  
Ryeowook: “I wish you could get rid of that habit.” *pouts*  
Yesung: “Yes Wookie I will. Were you both concentrating on the video or me?”

With this everyone except the maknaes started laughing 

Ryeowook and Kyuhyun both shouted “Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!! HYUNGGGGGGGGG”

The members again started laughing out loud. 

Eunhyuk: “Who told you to stare at Yesung hyung like that? Ah our maknaes must really love their Yesung hyung.”

Maknaes: “YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! We do not! We were just sitting next to him so we saw him!” 

Siwon: “You should really make a better excuse than that.”

Leeteuk: “Okay guys that’s enough, before the maknaes get revenge on you both. hen you’ll be the ones pouting and yelling.”

Eunhyuk: “Hyung! That’s favoritism, who’s side are you even on !?”

Leetuek: Obviously I’m on the maknaes’ side.  
He motioned his finger towards the smirking maknaes .  
Siwon: “hyung that’s unfair.”  
Leeteuk: “Sorry guys, I don’t wanna get on their bad sides ever. They are too much for me to deal with anymore, you guys can deal with the mess you made yourselves.”

At this comment Siwon and Eunhyuk ran to me and hid behind my back.  
Eunhyuk: “Save us Yesung hyung! they can’t do anything to us if you’re here!” 

Yesung: “Eunhyuk ah, they are going to leave me out and mess with me at the end. There’s no one who can save us from the wrath of those two. Besides are you planning to stick by my side 24/7?

Before Eunhyuk could answer my manager came in to tell me that I had to leave for another schedule. I nodded and went to grab my stuff, calling out to Shindong to send me the video before leaving the room.

Eunhyuk: don’t u dare leave us alone with these two.  
Yesung: then u can follow me *wink*.  
Eunhyuk: but I have somewhere else to go after this. (Sad tone)

I sighed and turned to Kyu and Wookie, warning them to leave Hyukjae and Siwon alone and not mess with the two.  
When I didn’t get an answer, I gave the two maknaes a more stern look urging them to speak.  
They both nodded sheepishly and I smiled and closed the door behind me. 

_______________________________ END TO YESUNG POV____________________________________

[MEMBERS POV]

The other members had arrived earlier than Yesung worry written on their faces.  
Something had been going on with him but no one dared can’t say anything or ask him. They knew he would only deny it anyway.  
[Flashback]  
During the filming of sj returns, Yesung arrived late. We had a fixed time at which all the members had to arrive.  
Leetuek: Ryeowook ah, don’t you two usually come together?  
Ryeowook: we do hyung but I when I sent him a message last night asking to go together he said he wouldo come alone. I called him again this morning before I left to see if he changed his mind but he didn’t reply.  
Leetuek: I see...

We waited for Yesung, but once 20 minutes had passed and there was still no sign of him we agreed that we would have to start the meeting without him. 10 minutes in however, Heechul suddenly stood up and walked out. 

[Heechul POV]  
When Ryeowook told me about Yesung’s behavior I was confused but decided to wait for a while. There could be a normal explanation for him being late; he may have overslept, or got stuck in traffic, but I wasn’t convinced. Afterall:  
1\. Yesung doesn’t sleep, so he can’t have overslept.  
2\. Even if he had by chance been stuck at traffic he would have answered our calls or at least sent a message saying he would be late.  
I rang his number and heard a ringing soundcoming closer to me and when I looked up, it was Yesung. Without saying anything in return I just went back inside the meeting room.

Yesung: Hyung I am sorry I saw the call but I was already coming up so I didn’t pic……….

Yesung stopped in his tracks when he saw the members staring at him in the room Butbefore he could say anything to them, a member of staff came in to tell him that they needed to put on his mic, so he went with the staff without saying another word.  
There was a weird silence hanging in the air of the meeting room and Yesung was fidgeting but in the end he said he was not going to give an excuse as to why he was late. I was going to question him but I was cut off by Leeteuk quietly telling him not to do this next time. He simply nodded and sat down in the remaining seat next to Ryeowook.  
After that the meeting had begun again from the start (we didn’t really start the meeting in the first place anyway). From time to time I glanced up to look at Yesung and he was so mesmerized with his cup of icedcoffee that I knew he wasn’t listening at all.  
I noticed Kyuhyun whispering something to Ryeowook which he then repeated to Yesung. His face changed for a second but then he just nodded and went back to his cup of ice cubes which by this point had mostly melted.  
In the end I didn’t really catch much of what the pd or the director were saying either but the meeting was over for today. We all just got up from our seats and made our way to our cars with our managers to get to our own individual schedules. I wanted to speak with Yesung but just as I was about to approach him Leeteuk caught my eye.

Leeteuk: Heechul ah,  
I looked over him beckoning me to come over.  
Heechul: teukie why did you call me over? I was about to–  
Leeteuk: speak with Yesung?  
I nodded. Leeteuk sighed and told me to wait for him to say something himself or at least come to us. I was about to protest but Leeteuk said that it was for the best and told me to go forward to my next schedule.

_______________________________ END TO HEECHUL POV___________________________________

[YESUNG POV]

I realised I had left my cap behind in the meeting room so I hurried back to get it when I overheard Leeteuk hyung and Heechul hyung talking.  
I decided not to interrupt and just leaned against the wall to hear them.  
I shouldn’t worry them, they already have a lot on their plate. I can’t just dump my problems on them. This phase will pass soon, until then I’ll just have to act as normally as possible around them like I used to.  
I mustn't allow myself to appear weak in front of them.  
In the end I walked away without going inside to retrieve my hat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou to Naomi for reading this chapter and editing it for me, you are the best

Our two day concert in Seoul was going to start from today, all the members were in the waiting room. Some were still changing, some were going through the choreography one more time, and some were putting make up on like final touches.  
Heechul hyung said he will come to see the concert tomorrow, as he was busy with his work.  
Our parents had also come over to see to see our performances and were also in the waiting area with us.  
“Jongwoon ah” I turned around to see my mother.  
“Yes eomaa”  
She took my hand and I just followed her without any question. She led me outside and then said to me  
“Jongwoon, Ryeowook called me yesterday and said you were not umm in good health”  
I frowned at the statement, I didn’t like them calling my parents and telling them about my situation.  
Since we all had to prepare for the concert we were all living close by, I live my parents but for a couple of days I was staying in the dorm with Kyuhyun, Ryeowook and Eunhyuk. 

“No, mom I am really fine and it was our schedule was jam packed and we were preparing so that’s why I am tired, it’s going to finish so I will go back and living in our house.” I tried my best to show my most sincere smile ever. I don’t know if I failed or something but mom didn’t press further and the matter was dropped there.  
Shortly the staff also came that she needed to do some final touches and the also to guide my parents to their respective seats. I bowed to my mother and went over to staff to let her to her work, ryeowook came to ask me something but I ignored his presence. He was also surprised when I didn’t answer his questions the second or third time he asked something.  
If the members saw it, they didn’t comment on it either they couldn’t believe I ignored him or that there was no time for a conversation to be held. The VCR was being played and it was our que and hence the concert started.

After three hours, we were done with the concert. In the waiting area we all were changing clothes and removing the makeup. The concert was over without any accident and it was perfect. Now, I just want to dive into a shower right now.  
After we left the venue, we bid farewell to fans who were still waiting outside to see us. Kyuhyun, ryeowook, eunhyuk and I had to take the same car since we were living together, we just needed one car for all of us. I sat at the front seat, the members were trying to initiate a conversation with me but I just put my headphones and closed my eyes thus signaling them that I want to be alone.  
Even when the songs were playing and the members were just chatting with each other, I tried to listen to the music, concentrate on it but my mind was somewhere not towards the members conversation but somewhere I didn’t want it to be.  
We arrived at the dorm in 20 minutes, I took my stuff out and headed inside, I went to my room since only four of us are sharing the dorm right now, we each have a separate room, before entering my room to get myself a showered up. A voice stopped me in my tracks.  
“Hyung?”  
I knew the voice without even turning or looking to see it.  
“What is it ryeowook?” even if my tone sounded harsh which I was not paying any attention to. He was trying to find some words to speak which as a result irritated me more.  
“if you have nothing to say then I am going to take a shower.”

“Hyung, do you want to eat something. Me and Kyuhyun are ordering since we are hungry” eunhyuk came over to in the hallway.  
I looked over to his direction and shook my head.  
“I am going to be in my room, after you and kyu eat. Sleep early we still have a concert tomorrow. Got it”  
Eunhyuk nodded his head and went to kyu room to order when he was stopped in his tracks when  
“But hyung you haven’t eaten the whole day, eat something”  
I looked over to ryeowook and kyuhyun had also appeared wondering why it was taking so long.  
If there was a weird silence hung up in the air, everyone could see it but choose to ignore it.  
I stared at ryeowook for few seconds and then just turned the knob of the door, entered the room and shut the door behind me.  
Finally alone.  
I showered and lied down straight in bed, after that little act no one disturbed me and I then closed my eyes, awaiting to my fate for a sleepless night and darkness just waiting to come.  
It was morning, I was thankful enough I slept for one hour, that one hour is so precious to me and now I knew the concert will go out smoothly without me being tired. There was still time before we all had to reach the venue so I stayed in bed not really planning on moving but there was a knock at the door.

“Yesung hyung are you wake?” kyuhyun said.  
“Yes, I am awake” as I went up and opened the door for him.  
“Hyung get ready we need to leave in 15 minutes”  
“15 minutes? Weren’t we supposed to reach the venue after 1 hour?”  
“We were but teukie hyung called and said we had to record a video for dvd so we have to go early.”  
“Okay, I just need to change and freshen up, are the rest awake?”  
“Yeah, I woke them up.”  
“Go change, I will see you down in 15”  
“OKAY”

After that kyuhyun left and I went straight to pack up my stuff so I can leave to my house after the concert ends. Luckily there wasn’t really much to pack so I just shoved all the stuff in a bag and went to fresh up myself. 15 minutes were more than enough and I was down waiting for the car with my bad in hand.

“Hyung, are you leaving the dorm?” eunhyuk said while he was still coming down.  
I guess he saw my bag.  
“Yes, I will go to my house after the concert ends.”  
“But I wish you stayed for today.” 

“I would have stayed but my mother wanted me to come home, and also we have to see each other tomorrow.” I smiled in response.  
Even knowing fully well I have no intention of going at home today but they should not know that.  
The car had arrived and I placed my bag at the back and sat at the front, ryeowook had also arrived along with kyuhyun. If he was planning on saying something it was stopped as the manger arrived and said “we are late. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note:  
> PS: I know there are people thinking yesung is acting like a child but there’s a reason please wait for further chapters, also like I said I will be frequent with my updates.  
> And guys did you see the group picture of them all, also yesung feeding and giving us all selfies with the members. 1 week left till there 15th Anniversary, can’t wait to hear MELODY, all I squealed when I read YeTeuk helped in composing the lyrics. My excitement level is off the charts.
> 
> Also want to thankyou for the kudos, means a lot


	3. Chapter 3

We reached the venue in 20 minutes and everyone was there already and it was a rush against time because everything was all over the place since the recording was decided the last minute, every staff and member were hurrying up to get changed before the concert would start.  
Heechul hyung had also arrived and was going through styling as well since all the members had decided whether he take part in performances or not, we are going to include him the recordings and any other way to be with super junior. Also it’s always fun to have the diva in the house.  
After everyone have changed and the recorded was done, we were five minute mark away for the concert to start. All the members gathered together for a group hand cheer up and Heechul hyung said best wished and went to stadium to his specific seat.  
We were halfway through the concert when a ringing accompanied with a severe headache shot up, it made me dizzy and we were singing live at that time and totally forgot the lyrics, my brain wasn’t processing. I could hear members chanting my name yesung hyung, yesung hyung. I cursed myself for not taking any meds but they make me more tipsy and sleepy then actually helping me. But I forced the headache at the back end of my mind and quickly resumed singing. It didn’t act up. Was it gone? No. did it leave me alone? Yes it did and for now it was enough. The concert was literally ending, we just had two songs to perform and we were in the back changing to simple jeans and a white shirt and just in case I gulped down the pills because I didn’t want to ruin the show.  
We all went up to the stage and performed to the two songs and waving all the time to the fans, eye contacting everyone we could with smiles plastered on our faces because we enjoyed the stage and were always thankful for the support.  
Just like that the concert was over and a success. At the back, all the members were giggling and having fun and Heechul hyung also came backstage with us and just when I was going to go and join the rest. Someone tapped my shoulders and looked to see a staff. I gave a confused look at his direction and he pointed someone is outside and is looking for you. I frowned, I didn’t invite anyone so who was able to come at the backstage like that? And why didn’t anyone remove him or her. I was about to ignore the person and had the staff remove him but didn’t want to escalate stuff, it may be just a fan who sneaked behind. And I will be done with the said person in 5 minutes or less so I just decided to meet him/her. I asked where the person was and he pointed me to direction and I just nodded and trialed to that direction. From the direction which he gave me the person was standing close or actually standing near the bathroom, an odd place to stand or wait in general though. I reached to the place but saw no one on sight and thinking it was prank by one of the members because normally how could a fan come at the backstage and who will stand here of all places and your just going to attract everyone’s attraction on you. Fuming with anger, these brats are going to get a piece of my mind.  
Before I could storm to the waiting area. A hand shot from behind me covered my mouth and dragged me inside and shut the door. I was struggling to get myself free, before a shiver was sent down to my very bones.  
“Hello jongwoon. Nice to see you are doing well.”  
Those words or actually that voice enough made me stop struggling.  
Was I afraid?  
No. that’s an understatement.  
I was petrified.

“Oh jongwoon, look you trembling under me. I miss those days where just a word would make a super star start whimpering from just my voice and it looks like it still has the same effect on you. You are still the same insecure boy I had met then”

I was afraid. Why is he here? I don’t want to be here. I want to run but that wasn’t enough, I told my mind to run and escape but my body betrayed me. It didn’t move let alone speak. I wanted to yell but not a sound was let out.

“Jongwoon, didn’t I ----” his voice trailed off and he let go of me and I fell to the ground, my body failing to hold my body standing.

“Looks like we will continue our session later, I just wanted to see you for today. I will find you later.”  
He left afterwards and I just stared at the marble floor beneath me.

____________________________________ END OF YESUNG POV_________________________________________

[KYUHYUN POV]

We were all giggling and joking with the members, when in my peripheral vision I saw yesung hyung coming to our direction but was stopped and by a staff member who said something to him and he nodded and left the room. Curious of what was said but still not going out to follow him.  
My thoughts were brought back into the room when eunhyuk hyung told leeteuk hyung what happened yesterday in the dorm. When I scanned the room, it looked like all the staff have left the room and mostly leeteuk hyung being the leader saw ryeowook was upset and I knew he asked him but not getting a reply out of him, he looked towards eunhyuk for the answer and he told him.  
All the members were quiet mostly because yesung hyung did get angry with us but he never once got angry or mad towards ryeowook, like it has never happened so even leeteuk hyung didn’t know what to say.  
“I will go talk to him” Heechul hyung said.  
Leeteuk hyung nodded and said “where is he?” looking around and scanning the members.

“He went outside when a staff told him something” I said, “he must be outside, I will go and get him.”  
I stood up and walked towards the door when a voice trialed behind me Heechul hyung said he was also coming along him, and we both walked out.  
To be honest we don’t know where hyung was, so I told hyung to go to the left and I will go to the right, he nodded but I took few steps further when Heechul hyung screamed.  
“YESUNG!!!!!!!!!”  
I rushed towards the direction the voice came from and I was stopped in my tracks.  
On the floor I saw yesung hyung paled expression and he was trembling, Heechul hyung was calming him down. He tried to pull yesung hyung up but it failed because as soon as he pulled him up, he crashed down again. Heechul hyung motioned me to come closer. But I don’t know what happened I have never seen yesung hyung like that, and I was frozen in place.  
“KYU!!!” Heechul said in a raised tone and motioned me again, I was snapped out of my thoughts and ran to help hyung up.  
We both half carried half dragged him to the waiting room, if the staff were eyeing us we didn’t care, after we had come inside the waiting room and settled hyung in a seat. Then I look in the direction to the other members. Half were worried, and half gave curious looks to yesung hyung direction.  
I also again looked at hyung again, he was still pale but his trembling had stopped which was a good thing. Leeteuk hyung asked Heechul hyung what’s wrong, and he just shook his head. 

After 5 minutes, it seemed that no one was moving but leeteuk hyung was about to go to yesung hyung direction when ryeowook came closer and knelt down and said  
“Hyung?” in a cheerful voice that hyung moved his head up to ryeowook smiled at his direction and then met the other members eyes.

“I am tired, I am going to go home now” yesung said and he got up from the seat and went to grab his stuff.  
“Yesung, wait a second” leeteuk hyung said in a concerned tone.

“Hyung, I am just tired, I will be fine tomorrow.” If yesung hyung was trying to attempt to show a smile then the attempt failed miserably and all the members could see it.

“Yesung, you either tell the truth or come over at my place.” Heechul hyung said.

“But hyung”

“No, I am not listening to you. You either stay with teukie or come with me? Your choice”

“Is that even a choice?”

“It is and I am asking nicely”

Yesung hyung stared at Heechul hyung and nodded his direction, accepting his offer.

“Great, grab your stuff, I drove today in my car, let’s go.”

And with that yesung hyung walked behind Heechul hyung. It looks like leeteuk hyung wanted to say something to him but Heechul hyung shook his head and signaling him that he would handle it and then leeteuk hyung dropped the subject and nodded.  
When Heechul and yesung hyung left, leeteuk hyung motioned everyone to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys enjoy the vlive today? it was fun right seeing every member like that, I am sad that heechul couldn't attend but we just need to pray his test results come negative as that's more important then attending a live. Teukie was so close to crying :((. Poor kyu he didn't talk much because it wasn't his 15th but kyu is the maknae of suju and we love this devil. Wish them a Happy 15th Anniversary and to future anniversaries All the artists special msgs to suju were so awesome. All the elfs enjoy their beyond live tomorrow, I am just going to cross my fingers that I win a ga but twitter is amazing and even if I can't watch I will definitely be able to see what's going on. Enjoy tomorrow guys.  
> This is getting a bit long now, so here's my 3rd chp and I hope you all enjoy it.
> 
> PS: I will update chp 4 by the end of today as well, so look forward to it.
> 
> Special thanks to Naomi for the edit, she is a live saver!!!


	4. Chapter 4

[Heechul POV]  
I have been worried about yesung for a while now, that kid doesn’t know how to tell others his issues and I have noticed his antics more times to count now and I have waited and hoped he would seek me or either teuk out but now my patience for turning a blind eye was running thin.  
So I had decided to talk to him after concert, and ask him to come clean with me. He was generally okay, I saw the concert he was having fun and enjoying with the members except one of them, he was ignoring ryeowook and this was weird, he doesn’t ignore him, he’s the most protective towards him then all the rest of the members. He never got angry with him even with how much the younger tease yesung. He has a soft spot for him so it was unusual.

After the concert, leeteuk asked ryeowook what was wrong because he was literally upset but he choose not to say anything believing he would solve the matter with yesung himself. But leeteuk being the mother figure looked towards eunhyuk for answers and he split everything, well mostly I had guessed it but leeteuk didn’t know what to say, leeteuk looked towards kyuhyun direction for confirmation and he nodded his head in response and now the room was quiet.  
He asked where yesung was and kyuhyun told that he went outside. We don’t know what was going on here, and the said person wasn’t even in the room, kyu said he will go out and find him, and I tagged along. 

When we were out kyu told me that he actually doesn’t know where he went so we split up to search for him and then what I saw was the last thing I wanted to see.

On the bathroom floor, yesung was sitting and his body was full fledge trembling and he was pale literally pale as ghost.  
With a million thoughts running to my mind of why he was sitting there like that, what happened in this short interval to make him tremble?  
But I pushed the thoughts back into my mind and ran towards him sitting down, and when I tried to pull him up actually pulling up didn’t even happen, when I made contact with him, he tried to pull himself free, he rejected the contact. Alarmed as I was I called out to kyu!!!.

“YESUNG ah?” I looked at him, and touched him again, he didn’t reject it. Kyuhyun had also arrived in that second. He looked up at the door to check who was at the door, his body tensed up I felt it but it was gone the moment he confirmed who was standing there and dropped his gaze back to the marble floor. 

I motioned kyu to help me up with yesung, kyu didn’t come at the first time, but came to yesung closer the second time after I yelled at him and we took him to the waiting room. Kyu had seated yesung on a chair.  
Leeteuk was asking me what’s wrong. Oh, I wish I knew the answer, I am as clueless as the rest of the members here.  
I looked towards the other member’s direction, leeteuk, ryeowook, eunhyuk had concern written on their face, if faces could form words that’s what they looked like. Siwon, shindong and donghae were confused.  
An eerie moment of silence hung in the room, no one if they should say something or not, but leeteuk was going to do something before ryeowook went to where yesung was and knelt down to him, he eyes were still fixed to the ground. Ryeowook said in a child-like cheerful voice “Hyung?”  
Yesung looked up to his direction and smiled at him before he went up from his seat and grabbed his stuff and informing the members he’s tired and he wants to leave.

“Yesung, wait a second” leeteuk said in a concerned tone.

“Hyung, I am just tired, I will be fine tomorrow.” If yesung was trying to show a smile then the attempt failed miserably and all the members could see it.

“Yesung you either listen to leeteuk or you come with me” 

Yesung looked at my direction and he was confused, I am not a person who invites members over so ofcourse he would eye me like that but right now me inviting them over is not the main concern, yesung not going to be out alone today no.

“I am quite serious yesung”  
He looked at me and then to leeteuk and then nodded to my direction. 

“Come on, I drove here with my car lets go”

We made it out and silently drove to my house, when we reached there yesung put down his stuff and sat down on my sofa. I went towards the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water and gave one to him, he took it and gulped the water down

“You go ahead and shower, I will shower after you.”

He nodded and went ahead to the bathroom, in the meanwhile I was just waiting and surfing the net when a message popped out in the notifications,

____________________ START OF CONVO____________________

Leeteuk: how is he?  
Me: yah! We just came to the house, do you think I am going to be asking this the moment he enters?  
Leeteuk: yes you should.  
Me: you go rest, let me handle it. (Seen)

___________________ End of leeteuk conversation________________________

When the chat ended, another conversation started, ryeowook and eunhyuk both messaged and asked about their hyung, shortly afterwards a new group chat was formed only for yesung and every member was telling me to take care of him, oh god what the hell are these kids doing, yeah I know you all love your yesung but calm down I will handle it and then no new notification came and I sighed in relief, damn these kids so possessive over him, and they are the ones who mess with him the most well normally the whole group has a love and hate relationship going on with him. They love him and they tease him the most.  
Super junior members may tease yesung the most but damn are the youngers have a possessive mode on when the other people try to do the same thing to him, to be honest its cute.  
I wonder what happened to him today, he doesn’t show people his weak aside, I haven’t seen him that vulnerable before, and I don’t know if he would tell me anything, I just brought his along well mostly because of impulse and I had a feeling if he stayed there, it would have become a mess.  
Thud thud  
I heard the sound of something falling, the sound came from the bathroom so I rushed there, I was about to open it considering it wasn’t locked but  
“H--hyung, no. don’t come inside.” His voice was breaking down when he said it, and I just wanted to go inside there right then but,  
“Pleasssee”  
“But yesung….”

“I am going to come out in 2 minutes just don’t.”

Why did he sound so desperate, what didn’t he want me to come inside, I really wanted to but then I thought better to go inside and make things worse, right now the most important thing is give him space so I reluctantly went back to living room and like he said he did come out in 2 minutes dressed in pajamas.  
Looking at him closely I clearly saw the eye bags surrounding his eyes, he was totally pale and way too skinny for man his height

“Heebom, you can go take a shower now.”  
“Jongwoon ah come here.” Urging him to come sit beside me.  
He first didn’t want to but then he came and sat beside me.

“Jongwoon, can you tell me if there is something bothering you these days, hyung is here for you.”  
He stared at me with those dark brown blank eyes but said nothing in response, trying to change the conversation to something recent,  
“Okay, if you don’t want to talk about that, then what happened when you were showering?”  
“I fell.” Either his straight forward answer surprised me or the fact he told me lie, still I didn’t press the conversation any further.

“Okay, then why are you mad at ryeowook? Leeteuk asked had asked wook about it but since he didn’t want to reply, eunhyuk informed them about what happened in the dorm yesterday.”

Again those blank eyes stared back to mine, I thought he wouldn’t answer but after a moment.

“I will deal with that matter with wook later onwards.  
Hyung can I go and rest, I am tired.”

I waa about to protest but seeing as he was either trying to get out of the conversation or he was tired or actually both, I nodded my head and showed him to the guest room, before he shut the room I asked him one final question,

“Jongwoon are you sleeping well?”

And then his blank expression changed and he mustered up a small smile which actually hurt my heart seeing it.  
“No”  
And then he shut the room. I rather would have liked if he answered with the same blank expression then seeing that smile.

I shut down my thoughts, went for a quick shower myself after that I went to my room and pulled out my phone and messaged ryeowook privately,

“Ryeongu, I talked to jongwoon, he said he will solve the matter with you himself. So don’t feel upset okay”  
After 5 minutes ryeowook replied back  
“Hyung, how is he?”  
“I wish I knew, ryeowook. I wish I knew.”

[Yesung POV]

Back in his room after parting from heebom yesung stared down on the mattress he was sitting, he didn’t know why he was there, let alone how he came there, why can’t he leave him alone. I am so tired of this. All the thoughts clouding my mind, knowing fully well that sleep wasn’t going to come and how will I survive the night with those thoughts swirling inside.  
When will the sun rise?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the 4th chap, I hope everyone would love and enjoy it. 
> 
> Did you guys see the fanmeet everyone was looking so handsome and from start to the end seeing all the members happy was enough especially heechul was there as well, good thing his result came negative right.
> 
> PS: As always special thanks to my editor Naomi <3  
> also to the reader thankyou for taking out your time to read this


	5. Chapter 5

Another win for insomnia, I couldn’t sleep the whole night, before I could at least sleep for 2 or 3 hours but now even that doesn’t happen. I walked out of the guestroom, last night was so hectic that I forgot that Heechul hyung had a dog and it wasn’t here.   
I went to the fridge and when I opened it, it was stacked with water bottles, I chuckled this is definitely hyung fridge, buzz I looked to see my phone, it had been on vibration mode since yesterday. I opened it to see the messages mostly it was from the members, I left them all unseen, not wanting to have a conversation with them right now, so it was the best decision to ignore it for now at least. But then a message came from the manager informing me that I need to go to the company for the selection of title songs for my upcoming solo, which I had entirely forgotten. Yesung ssi I heard you were staying in Heechul ssi house, so I am going to arrive there in about 20 minutes, please be ready to leave.  
A simple message, I moved towards the shower to take a bath, it looks like hyung was still a sleep so I tried to make as little noise as possible, after a quick shower, I debated on waking hyung up and telling him or just leave a note or message behind but my debate ended when Heechul hyung room opened and he came out with only a tee and boxers on, and it looks like he was still sleepy. He rubbed his eyes and looked at me. Then went to grab himself a water bottle and then spoke,  
“Jongwoon, where are you going?”  
“Ah, I need to go to the company for the song selection, I need to leave in 5 minutes”  
“Oh, okay. Send me the song which you select, I want to hear it too.”  
“Sure, hyung”

“Umm, hyung”  
“Hmm”  
“Where’s gibok?”  
“He’s in the vet, I need to pick him up today.”  
“Oh, okay.”

Honk honk

“Hyung, it looks like the manager have arrived so I am going to go. Bye”

With that I went outside to the parking area where the car was waiting for me. I greeted the manager and placed my stuff in the other free seat. And we drove in silence, after a while when we reached to our destination, I saw a familiar looking car there as well.  
I asked, “Is there any other member here?”  
“Yes, eunhyuk and donghae are there in the practice room, I think they are working on the choreography for their unit.”  
“Oh, I see.”  
“Do you want to stop by the room before going to the upper floor?”  
“No, I will see them later after I am done with the song selection”  
The manager nodded and we went inside, I could hear the noise and sound of feet making contact with floor, they are working hard. Smiling at the thought, we went to the upper floor in the lift.

___________________________ End of Yesung POV____________________________

[EUNHYUK POV]

I and donghae were in the same car going to the company for the dance practice, manager told us that yesung hyung would also be coming since it’s the day he needs to hear the songs for his solo album.  
Donghae was excited since he wanted to ask yesung hyung a favor with few of the verses of the lyrics so it was win-win situation for him, he could ask him just there since he’s also busy these days, but I was still worried about him, last night I was really scared after I saw him like that, I wanted to make hyung come with us in the dorm but Heechul hyung took him to his own house, well it was better, Heechul and yesung hyung have always been closer, definitely the AB line.

After dancing for 2 hours, we and all the dancers took a break and ordered some food since we were all hungry and we were mostly done with the moves too.  
Donghae was asking the manager if yesung hyung had arrived or not, he nodded and said he’s upstairs. And donghae started whining why he didn’t visit them first.   
When donghae starts whining there’s no winning against him till he gets what he wants, I suppose it’s his own way to check on hyung since he was also worried yesterday.   
Since we were alone in the room, the managers don’t really know what happened and neither were we planning on telling them, leeteuk hyung also told us not to say anything to them.  
But donghae was getting annoying,   
“Yah, LEE DONGHAE!! Stop that, he will come when he gets free from his work, why are you acting like a kid?”  
“But……”

“Why are you both acting like two year olds here hyukjae and hae ah?” a husky voice spoke when the black haired man entered the room.  
“Yesung hyung!!!” donghae chirped like literally, and went over and hugged him.  
“Oh donghae you’re acting like you haven’t met yesung hyung in years”  
Donghae ignored me but yesung hyung chuckled softly, well I am glad he’s at least smiling.

“So, why were you whining I literally could hear you both from outside, are you even in mid 30s?” he laughed.  
“Yah, hyung that’s not fair.” I replied in protest.

“Hyung ignore hyuk, I need to ask a favor.”   
“Hmm, what is it?”

But I spoke instead of donghae  
“Hyung, how’s the song selection going?”  
“They are a lot of good songs I am confused which to pick also we took a few minutes break because they want me to hear few other demos.” Hyung’s face turning from me to donghae  
“Donghae what is you wanted to ask me?”

Before donghae could say something, yesung hyung manager arrived holding a cup of coffee and handing it to yesung, this hyung and his coffee, he is a total addict here. I hardly drink it before schedules so I can focus.   
Yesung hyung held the coffee and his face froze, he stared at it before he rushed out of the room, leaving me and donghae confused behind.

___________________________ End of Eunhyuk POV____________________________

[Yesung POV]  
Come outside if you don’t want others to see  
This is what the note said, how it managed to slip inside the coffee is beyond me but why is he here again?   
I came outside like it said and when I was outside, a strong hand grabbed me and dragged me along in an alley I didn’t know existed, he shoved and pressed me against the wall, blocking my exist. And that sickening feeling just came over me, I was trapped and I was helpless.

“Jongwoon ah, hello, I told you we will meet soon, we were interrupted yesterday because of your members but right now we have some spare time to actually catch up.”

I didn’t reply. I don’t want to be here, I want to leave, I want to be with the members, why did I come out. But then those thoughts amplified when a strong hand grabbed my jaw and forced me to look at his eyes, I shut my eyes.

“Open your eyes and look at me.” 

I didn’t open them.

“I don’t like the fact that you’re not obeying me. I said open them”

He came closer to me and whispered in my ear,

“Open them jongwoon, look at me. You obeyed me before, has it been that long that my words don’t have any effect on you anymore. I don’t like that.”  
He grabbed my jaw even tighter and it was started to hurt but I still didn’t open them, I do not want to see him or his eyes, they are just a nightmare. 

His hands wandered across my body and went to my thighs,  
“I know you removed the rest but I still want to confirm if you even removed that”

I shivered.

“Oh, shh jongwoon why are your crying?’ but his hands went inside my jeans towards my thigh and then those lines and then my mind broke.

“HAHAHA, you didn’t remove them, I am so proud of you, you’re still my jongwoon  
I am satisfied now, so I will go dear but I will come back soon to visit you.”

He left and breaking and taking some parts with him, I don’t know how I even managed to go inside the building and inside the washroom but I was there and the next moment I blackened out and fell to the hard cold floor waiting for the nightmares to take me whole.


	6. Chapter 6

[EUNHYUK POV]  
After Yesung hyung left so suddenly, I wanted to follow him but I stopped myself;, it would have looked weird if I followed him like that so I just waited for Hyung to attend to whatever business he had. But after a while hyung still wasn’t back, his manager was still in the waiting room chatting with other people so I knew he didn’t leave but where is he?

“Eunhyuk-ssii” I spun my head round in the direction of the person speaking “I saw Yesung-ssi going to the washroom, but he was wobbling and couldn’t walk in a straight line. He looked like he was in pain.”

Why is this person describing Yesung hyung like he was drunk? I frowned and decided to go out and see for myself.

“Hyukjae, where are you going?” Donghae asked.  
“I’m going to go look for hyung, someone told me they saw him.” Donghae nodded and also followed me out.   
He said he was in the washroom so I headed in that direction, I was about to yell his name and ask him where he’d been but that changed as I rounded the corner. I did yell but it was purely different on complaining.

“YESUNG HYUNG” I shouted at the top of my lungs and Donghae followed suit.  
Yesung hyung was lying on the floor, I ran to him and when I touched his body it was cold... too cold actually.  
I panicked.   
I shouted at Donghae to call the managers and an ambulance. Donghae nodded and ran outside, I tried to wake him up but he wasn’t moving and showed no signs of having heard me at all

Then everything happened in a rush, the managers came with Donghae and carried Hyung out of the room and shortly later an ambulance had also arrived.

The paramedics lifted Yesung and carried him inside the ambulance, both of us and managers went to the car in which we came and followed the ambulance. On the way to the hospital, Donghae called Leeteuk hyung and explained what had happened. I could hear him shouting on the other end even without speaker. The managers informed the rest of the members, we had reached the hospital and hyung was rushed in, and we just stood outside. shortly afterwards Ryeowook, Kyuhyun, Heechul hyung and Leeteuk hyung arrived, Siwon and Shindong hyung were on their way.   
Leeteuk hyung was looking for us for an explanation but we didn’t know how to respond, I felt guilty, we were there but we didn’t know what exactly happened.   
We were waiting for the results, when the doctor came out at that same time the two other members also arrived. 

“Are you the guardian of Kim JongWoon-ssi” a doctor asked, looking at us.  
“Yes” Leeteuk hyung spoke up stepping forward from the group of worried members, concern written all over the leaders face.  
“He’s fine right now, he has a minor concussion due to his head hitting the floor when he fell, so when he wakes up he will feel pain but it will be okay if he takes the medication I’ve prescribed for him.”  
“Thank you doctor.” Hyung said.   
The doctor was about to leave when Ryeowook spoke up  
“But then why did he faint? He has a concussion because he fell but you didn’t tell us why he fainted in the first place”  
“Oh there are two reasons, actually three, we are really not sure but   
1\. It could be that he’s malnourished, so his body gave up on him. He hasn’t eaten for a few days.  
2\. The other reason is that from exhaustion since by the looks of it he hasn’t slept for a while now  
3\. This reason could be ruled out when test results come but it’s possible he fainted due to shock”

None of the reasons made the members happy but the third reason left a bad taste in our mouths.   
Leeteuk hyung thanked the doctor and he left after telling us where hyung’s room was.  
All the members filed into the room,   
And then there was this weird silence hanging in the air. Hyung had two IVS flowing inside him, and he was pale.

Leeteuk hyung broke the silence asking Heechul hyung if something happened when they were together and Heechul hyung shook his head and just recounted what happened, then Leeteuk hyung turned to me and Donghae and we also told him.

It didn’t make sense, why did he faint like that, he wasn’t that pale when he was with us or we would have noticed, something must have happened when he went outside. And then again the members don’t know anything.

“This is frustrating” I sighed before realizing that all the members were eyeing me.  
“Don’t look at me like that, we don’t know what happens in his life and he never tells us either.”  
“HYUKJAE!!” Leeteuk hyung spoke in a higher tone.

“How about you try to understand him rather than ignoring him, he knows everything that's going on with us.” Ryeowook spoke.  
“Ryeowook, you’re the last person who should say this now, I’m am not not the one Yesung hyung got mad at”  
“Hyung!!” Kyuhyun yelled.  
“Stop it Hyukjae, this isn’t the time for it.” Donghae said sternly and to be honest I was surprised.  
“Don’t make me the bad guy here, I am also worried”  
“Oh really?, from your actions it doesn’t look like it.” Ryeowook spoke and he was angry.  
“You weren’t the one who found Hyung lying on the floor like that. It was me and I’d rather not see it again, he was cold, his whole body was damn cold!.” I was literally shouting and crying at this point, it was scary seeing my favorite hyung like that.

Siwon came towards us and hugged me trying to calm me down. The whole room went to the same silence, we didn’t know exactly what to do.  
But just at that time one of the managers came arrived,  
“Leeteuk, Heechul, Shindong, Kyuhyun, Siwon and Eunhyuk, you need to leave for your next schedule. Leeteuk and Heechul you left in the midst of shooting you need to go back now.”

“I am not leaving Hyung alone like that,” I said.  
“You don’t have a choice, you have a recording to film right now.”  
“How does that make sense, he’s ill and you want all of us to leave him alone?”  
“Eunhyuk-ssi\, his parents will take care of him, besides he just fainted and the doctor said he will wake up soon there’s no need for you all to stay here.”  
I couldn’t believe the nonsense this guy was spouting, I was about to say something before Donghae spoke  
“I’ will stay with Hyung, I don’t have any recordings so I can stay with him.”  
“No, you also can’t stay here, you have another schedule to attend to.”  
“But, there wasn’t any,” Donghae said in protest but the manager just shook his head.  
“Then who is going to stay with him? We can’t leave him alone like this?!”  
“I’ll stay with Hyung” Ryeowook finally spoke up.   
I looked over at Leeteuk hyung and he looked relieved that at least someone was staying with Yesung hyung so he wouldn’t be alone., Knowing him he would have said something but seeing that there’s still someone who was free today, he didn’t say anything and told the members that sooner they get done with their work, the sooner they can come back and see him.  
The members nodded and went outside the room till me, Ryeowook, Leeteuk and Heechul hyung were left. Leeteuk hyung eyed Yesung hyung one more time before looking at Ryeowook, Ryeowook nodded his head understanding what the leader wanted to say. Heechul hyung grabbed Leeteuk hyung's hand and pulled him outside.   
“Take care of him.” I said to Ryeowook  
“Of course I will, finish your work and hurry back.” I nodded and left the room, closing the door quietly behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is up!!!!  
> As always I am grateful for my editor who helps me sort the mess I write. Love you Naomi <3


	7. Chapter 7

[RYEOWOOK POV]  
Once everyone had left the room, I dropped the strong act. Oh god what was I doing shouting at Eunhyuk hyung like that?!! He wasn’t at fault, well he was with him, but hyung said someone told him that Yesung] hyung was in pain, why doesn’t he allow members to know about him. , this is being ridiculous, I couldn’t make sense of any of it. tThe doctor’s reasoning didn’t make sense either but it did in a way as well but Hyung had never fainted from lack of sleep or food before. Was it really that bad on him these days?  
But he was angry with me when I called him out to eat and he hads set his mind onat ignoring me, I couldn’t understand what I’d done wrong. Was it something else I did?. I was so confused.

I was so worried when the hyungs called me to tell me he fainted, I was with Kyuhyun in the dorm at that time. and hyung called us, we put it on speaker and the words that followed made us sick and worried. We both have known Yesung hyung the most since we are in a sub unit; we had spent a lot more time together than the other members and hyung always seemedcomfortable with us, even when all we do is tease him to the point he does a swearing marathon and we both just laugh at him. Holding his small cold hands tightly I whispered,.  
Hyung, please wake up, tell me what’s wrong or at least tell me what I did, I will fix it but please don’t ignore me like this again. 

It was almost night time and Hyung hadn’t woken up, the other members had also arrived at various different times when they got free, Leeteuk hyung came last still shocked that hyung hadn’t woken up so he went to ask the doctor., When he came back he said that Yesung hadn’t slept for weeks so his body was now trying to make him rest even if it was being done forcefully.  
I was still sitting in the chair next to Yesung hyung’s bed and I looked at the members faces and from the looks of it most of them felt guilty for not knowing about his health., everyone was still lost in silent thought when….

“Ughh”  
Hyung groaned, he was waking up.

“Yesung hyung!!!!” I chirped.  
The other members also joined in all at once

“Aghh, why are you guys shouting? My head hurts already. Stop shouting.” he said, while trying to get in a seated position. He scanned the room, and confusion was written all over his face. 

“Hyung, do you not remember, you fainted!!” Eunhyuk hyung said.

I was close to him so I saw his face expression change from confusion tofrowning.  
What was going on?

“Yesung ah?” Leeteuk hyung called out to him, I watched as he slowly raised his eyes to look at him.  
“The doctor said that you haven’t slept in weeks, why didn’t you tell us?” Hyung's voice was full of concern.  
But Yesung hyung didn’t reply immediately, not until Heechul hyung also spoke up.  
“Yesungie, you can tell us, the doctor said you haven’t been eating either and it’s the second IV bag you’re on. This is bad for your health.”

“It doesn’t concern you.”   
If a single sentences could shatter someone’s heart, it certainly did with those words. Everyone sat in stunned silence for a few seconds 

“Hyung!, we are worried about you here, how can you say it doesn’t concern us?!” Kyuhyun shouted.  
“Because, it certainly doesn’t and neither did I ask you too.”   
Why is he saying such things with a straight face?

“Yesungie, please tell me what's going on?! Hyung will help.” Heechul hyung said.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“JONGWOON!!” Yesung hyung trembled, but only for a short moment before he covered it up. 

“Hyung.., what’s wrong? Did we do something wrong?” Donghae hyung came closer to where Yesung hyung was and his eyes were teary, Yesung hyung looked at him before moving his hands to wipe the tears away.

Yesung hyung was being too cold.

“Can you all leave please? My head is hurting and you guys all seem to be tired as well. Go and rest, I know you all have to work tomorrow. Go home.”

“Hyung, this isn’t the time to be worrying about us, we are trying to help, we are worried here.”  
I’d had enough, why isn’t he listening to reason?.   
Hyung just stared at me and not answering so I pressed forward more.  
“Hyung, what did I do wrong for you to ignore me?”  
There is it, something I have been wanted to know for a while now, sStill he ignored me again.  
“Hyung!!”

“GET OUT.”  
“Hyung?” I was hurt, he has never been this mean to me.  
“Yesung ah..” Leeteuk hyung said, resting his hands on my shoulders.  
“I don’t want to talk about it. Please all of you, go home and rest.”

“Fine, we will do as you say for now., Guys come one, leave him alone for now.” 

Leeteuk grabbed my hand before dragging me along with him outside, he looked exhausted and defeated. we were almost outside before Heechul hyung stopped.

“Teukie you go on ahead, I need to …”  
“Go” was allTeukie hyung said before hyung went back upstairs. Ii had pulled my hand free from hyung and I followed Heechul hyung too, I don’t know why I did but I need to know.

But just before I opened the door I heard Heechul hyung yellingyelled,

“Jongwoon what are you freaking doing?”  
By that time I was already inside the room, Yesung hyung had pulled out the needles connecting him to the IV bags and the blood was dripping on the floor.

“Jongwoon, why did you pull them out, there’s half left.”  
“I already had one, Wookie told me. One is enough and I am going home.”  
“You needed two because the doctor said so, I am calling him back to get you a new one.”  
“No, you aren’t.”

“Hyung?”   
Heechul and Yesung hyung were both staring at me.

“Ryeonggu, I thought you’d left” Heechul hyung said, his voice dropping to a low tone when he saw me but Yesung hyung just stared at me.

“Yesung hyung, what’s wrong? Can you please tell me? Did I do something to upset you?” I pleaded, ignoring Heechul hyung’s comment completely.  
But those brown eyes staring at me, his eyes were cold. I didn’t like those eyes, he seemed like someone else entirely. Not the hyung I know. 

“Wookie, please go home, I will be fine tomorrow. Right now my head is killing me and you guys have too many questions. I am fine so don’t worry about it, you guys already know about the insomnia and... well eating habits. It’s getting annoying if you keep asking me about it over and over again. I am not a kid here, I can look after myself.”

“But…tt hyung”

“End of discussion. Go home, both of you.”

With that the conversation was over, Heechul hyung went to pay the bills while the two of us made our way downstairs. All the members had left except Leeteuk hyung who was still there in the parking, he didn’t comment on why Yesung hyung was here, we silently waited for Heechul hyung who came back 5 minutes later, giving Yesung hyung a bag containing his medicines. He opened the bag and took one pill at that time, it seems his head was really hurting him. The vans came and we rode in silence before dropping Yesung hyung to his house, the manager telling him that they forgot to tell his parents about it because they had to stop articles being posted about him fainting.He said he was grateful for that and also for not telling his parents and just made his way to his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys see AAA and suju won an award. YAY!!! WAS HAPPY FOR THEIR ACHIEVEMENT.
> 
> Can't wait for the new album.  
> ..................  
> Special thanks to Naomi for the editing she does.
> 
> See you all in the next update!!!!!°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
> 
> PS: Next chapter will be a long one (((;◔ᴗ◔;)))


	8. Chapter 8

This is getting tiring, the members are starting to ask questions and questions I rather not answer but how should I stop them from prying, I already collapsed once in front of them, and they won’t leave me alone now. I can’t run from them always, why do I have to run from so many things these days. Since my parents didn’t know the whole deal of me landing myself in the hospital it relieved me for now I don’t need to explain anything to them right now, and my head throbbing so much right now, the medicines really not working, I just took a quick bath, bandaged the wound and jumped straight to my bed for at least I can feel the softness around me. How do I explain them? Something I don’t want to come in light, and this darn thing why didn’t I remove it at that time, it certainly wasn’t a trophy that should have been kept and now he has seen it, It just boasted his ego. How will he come again to mess with me? Will he show himself in front of the members? With so many questions swirling in my head? I pushed them aside to the back of my mind and let the cold darkness embrace me before I found myself falling asleep.

I woke up with still a dull throbbing but better then yesterday, I saw the time and dragging my body to change for the recording today, all the members are going to be there and eating a pill for the headache to ease away, I made it downstairs to wait for the manager to arrive,

“Jongwoon ah”  
“Nae, eomma”  
“Come and eat before you go to work. You look like a corpse”  
“But mom I don’t need to eat” I whined because I literally didn’t feel like eating but with one look at mothers direction, I made my way down to the table and ate soup and rice with couple of side dishes, just taking one bite wanted me to vomit out all the contents but I forced myself to at least half  
‘Just eat it in front of her, I don’t want to make worry her’ I thought, so I pushed the contents inside which just wanted to be thrown out.  
Mom was satisfied and I excused myself and said I needed to grab something from my room, I rushed upstairs and locked the door, before throwing all the contents into the toilet and I kept vomiting even when only bile was left, my throat hurt it was sour, and my breath smelled horrible, I quickly brushed again and also used mouth wash. This day has just begun and I just want it to be over now.  
“Jongwoon, Siwon is here with your manager”  
Why is Siwon here? Oh god I was not expecting this to happen, are they going to follow me like that everywhere now.

I quickly made my way down and looking at the interaction between mom and him, Siwon noticed me and quickly came closer to envelope me in a hug, 

“Siwon, don’t crush him” Siwon laughed and so did mom whereas I pushed myself out of his embrace, grabbed my bag and went into the car.  
Siwon followed me and also came into the van.  
“Manager, what’s the schedule for today?”  
“Oh, you need to film an episode for sj return, didn’t Siwon tell you”  
“NO, he was busy crushing me”  
“Hyung, it wasn’t like that” Siwon said with full aigoo mode which made the manager laugh and I just shrugged, and there was no conversation till we made it into the filming place.  
We both climbed out of the car and went to get our mics on and place the sticker thing on the clock, don’t know why we even do this but….  
Mostly all the members have arrived except ryeowook who had just gotten free from his musical so we were just waiting for him before leeteuk hyung came towards me, I really don’t want to go through a question answer session right now, I could feel the prying members eyes on both of us.

“Yesung ah, we really need to talk” yeah here we go.

I really couldn’t escape today so I just nodded and stood and urged him to go somewhere else then here, he followed but before we could take two steps the staff have put a table in front of us, with loads of different kind of foods, and the smell of the food made me want to throw everything in my stomach which I knew there was nothing in it to throw out.   
The staff told us we are going to film this segment before ryeowook comes which made leeteuk hyung lose the opportunity to talk with me and I felt grateful minus the fact the I had the urge to puke again but need to film this segment so we went back in line with the rest of the members.  
The food put on the table were really some of my favorites and normally I would have actually eaten them but then again I didn’t have this much of an urge to puke right then and there. Kyuhyun and hyukjae were trying there at most best to feed me and I was doing everything I can to dodge them but this didn’t last long before donghae shoved something in my mouth and I don’t know what it was even and the next thing I knew I was running into the nearest washroom to throw everything up.   
When my body was satisfied with the stuff being out of me, did I glance upwards to see the members were there and even ryeowook had arrived, they were worried, can there not be day where I cannot look at those expression, its tiring me out even more.  
I tried to get up but yea the sudden movement with lack of energy had me falling down before shindong grabbed my hand to stop my hard fall.   
“Shindong, can you bring me out of here so I can sit somewhere, I don’t feel that good” he nodded and pulled me out and led me to the nearest chair.  
My mouth still had the aftertaste of the acid reflux and my headache also came back, not the best combo to have right now. If the members wanted to say something they were hesitating I could feel it but shindong spoke up

“Hyung, are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I am okay now” which wasn’t really a lie.  
“But hyung you just vomited just because you ate one bite” donghae said.  
“Exactly why I was avoiding to eat before you three wanted to shove something to my mouth” I kinda howled at them and the three knew who I was talking about and now were looking guilty.  
“Yah, don’t look like that and make me the bad person here, you’re not the ones suffering from the after taste”

“You didn’t have to suffer from it, if you had mentioned this little information beforehand” ryeowook called out.  
“Didn’t felt it was necessary.”  
“Hyung, that’s just it, you don’t feel like you want to tell us anything right now” ryeowook yelled.  
“Jongwoon ah….” Leeteuk hyung was about to speak when he was interrupted when the manager came in with a phone in his hand, leeteuk hyung was glaring at him that he came at a very wrong time but then the manager spoke

“Yesung ssi, someone has been calling you for the last half an hour straight and have been dropping messages saying it’s your cousin” by the time he said this, my phone rung again, I reached my hand out and the manager put the phone and then I picked the call.

“Hel….”  
“KIM JONGWOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” his voice was heard across even when the speaker wasn’t on and all the members heard it.  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SCREAMING ABOUT?” before I recognized his voice “Hyung?”  
“Glad you recognize me now”  
“You still deserved the earful.”   
“Fine, I will admit I did”  
“Why are you calling me? You should know that if I don’t pick up I would be busy with something couldn’t you just wait”  
“I could have bu..”  
“Hyung, I am a bit busy here, if you’re done with your stupid play now, I will call you later” I handed the phone to the manager.  
I got up from the seat and motioned the members to continue filming, and they followed what I said and the talk ended there even though some were trying to ask me before I cut them off again.  
After we were done with filming which was mostly us getting drenched in water for half of the recording, I was damn cold by the time we were done. We already had changed and dried ourselves up when the peaceful silence hanging in the air broke, it wasn’t really peaceful it was mostly professionalism.

“Hyung, you owe us an explanation” ryeowook said in a commanding like tone which didn’t suit him.  
“I literally owe you nothing”   
“No, you may not owe him but you certainly owe me some answers yesung ah” leeteuk said.

How do I get out of this mess now? 

“Yesung I have been trying to be patient here and I certainly gave you enough space so why are acting the same before the early days of our debut. I am not blind, your acting the same way, ignoring everyone here and getting sick all the time, first you come in looking all pale, next day you collapse and third your about to faint again. Heechul had also tried to talk to you but you didn’t say anything to him, I left you to his care because your closer with him then me so I assumed you would have talked or shared something with him. And you’re mad at ryeowook for who knows why and for goddamn sake stop looking at me with those blank eyes” teukie hyung was definitely mad, but I don’t want explain either but I need to take care of one thing.

“Ryeowook, hyung wasn’t mad at you” I said looking at his direction and he kinda smiled which did make me happy “You were just at the wrong time and I lashed everything at you, I am sorry for what I did in the dorm and yesterday in the hospital room.”

“What hospital room?” Siwon said and ryeowook hushed him saying none of your concern.

“Hyung is sorry” to be honest ryeowook did make me angry but I know he was only looking out for me but at that time I didn’t want to get pestered so I yelled at him instead.

“It’s okay, as long as you explained it to me, I was just sad that you were ignoring and yelling at me for the past few days”   
My head was hung low because no matter the excuse was he wasn’t to blame.  
Small footsteps approached me and when looked at him, “Sungie hyung, it is okay”  
“You haven’t said sungie in a long time” I chuckled.  
“I know and now your smiling, I succeed” I sighed literally can never against ryeowook at all.  
“Sungie hyung, let’s go together. Then I will forgive you”  
“I thought you already forgave me”  
“I did but after today, you’re going to do what I want you to do today” yes can never win against him, no use of arguing.  
I just nodded which earned me a squeal from ryeowook, and then he grabbed my hand and pulled me with him before another hand stopped me.

“Yah, we are still here and we also want to go with yesung hyung” donghae and eunhyuk pulled me towards them and then a fourth hand came and tried pulling me towards him and it was kyuhyun. What is this situation? 

“Yesung hyung is coming with me!!” ryeowook yelled, his voice will make me deaf one day I swear.  
“No, we both want to go with him, we had a favour to ask of him and it was interrupted yesterday” eunhyuk said while donghae nodded.   
“I want yesungie” kyuhyun whined.

“Stop treating me like a toy when I am here in front of you being pushed and pulled.” 

“SHUT UP HYUNG” all four of them yelled  
I….

“MANNERS, I AM OLDER THEN YOU ALL HERE” I yelled to make a point and all the members burst into a laughter and half a minute later I was also laughing a long side them, I missed this atmosphere with the members.

“Jongwoon!!!!” someone was calling me out and turned around to see him right now. When he stopped right in front of me then I asked  
“Hyung, why are you here? I told you I will see you later.”  
“I asked your manager where you were”  
“Why did he answer you?”  
“Because I said you told me to” I want to face palm myself.

“Yesung who’s he?” leeteuk asked generally curious.  
“Absolutely no body”  
“Yah, don’t disrespect me”  
“Honestly, you haven’t earned any merits for me to actually respect you.”  
“Woonie, I will deal with you later brat” he looked at leeteuk hyung direction and answered  
“I am this guy cousin and my name is Kim Jaehyuk ” I snorted and hyung eyed me before going back to finishing his so called interview “And I work at…..”

“Dare mention that and I am going to strangle you” I growled low enough for only him to hear.

“As I was saying, I am his cousin and we agreed to meet today so I was just going to pick him up” hyung smiled, how people like him smile is beyond me.

“But hyung agreed to go out with us” ryeowook looked like a rejected puppy and the others also were sad

Great I have sulking brothers to look after.

“Hyung, I already agreed to go out with them” hearing this they all sprang to life, how easy is it to make them happy I thought. 

“Jongwoon, it’s important” hyung said and I could hear the seriousness behind it but I don’t know what was so urgent.  
I frowned things really don’t happen the way I want to, go with my cousin and see my younger brothers moping. But it looks like I didn’t have to when my thoughts were stripped away by that one voice.

“Hello Jongwoon”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, my laptop just froze and wasn't working, it took me a while to fix it and hence the lateness.
> 
> PS: Umm, you will find similarity of the shooting area, I wrote the background filming during sj return ep, but i just took the recording of it as a background other then that theres nothing that happened. I just wanted to make this fact clear.  
> Anyways enjoy this!!


	9. Chapter 9

“Is it Hanjae hyung?” shindong said.

“How are you, Donghee?” he said.

“I am fine hyung. How have you been? It’s been a while since you left. When did you come back?”

“Oh, Yesung didn’t tell you?, I met him yesterday” he smiled and I cringed.

He was coming closer to me but hyung came forward blocking his path

“Hanjae ssi right, I am sorry but I need to take Jongwoon with me today, you can chat with him later” hyung reached for my hand and pulled me along with him. I didn't know where he was leading to me but the next thing I know I was in a room and it was swirling.

“Jongwoon-ah, calm down. He’s not here anymore, please” I could hear the desperation in his voice but I wasn’t thinking straight or processing his words and I just fell straight on the hard floor, my legs were already jelly. Hyung bent down and encircled me with arms, rocking me back and forth and whispering words I couldn’t make out. I don’t know how long I was there, but eventually I stopped trembling and, hyung sighed in relief.

“Jongwoon, you scared me. You haven’t had an attack since forever”

“I know right”

“This is really no time to be smiling at me right now. This is why I told you to take the meds”

“THEY DON’T HELP OKAY. THEY JUST MAKE ME WORSE”

I was out of his arms and already standing and making my way outside,

“Jongwoon please”

I frowned and made my way back to where the members were if they werestill there I didn’t know.

I opened the door and saw the members were all there...so was he.

“Hyung is your talk with your cousin over?” Ryeowook asked.

“Yeah, it is. Do you still want to go out with me?” hearing that Ryeowook’s eyes sparkled and he nodded his head.

“Hyung, don’t leave us here hanging, we want to come too” Donghae said though he was mostly pouting.

I turned my head towards Ryeowook and before I could say something–.

“Fine those hyungs can come” he was sulking, why is he so cute? He was sulking and Donghae and Eunhyuk were high fiving each other. Here I want to hit my head somewhere, what do I do with these boys.

My mind had already been diverted from someone before it went back to the main source, he came closer to me and whispered something.

“I want to talk to you so do you want to make a scene here or are you going to follow me?” words conveyed which only I could hear and nothing I could ignore, not with them in the room. I nodded.

“Hey, I will just be back after talking with Hanjae ssi. In the meanwhile, you guys pack your stuff up” everyone nodded and I followed him out.

Only when we were alone did he start talking

“My sweet Jongwoon, I heard you went to the hospital yesterday. Was it because of me?” he smiled and here I am trying my best to stay sane enough.

“My presence really marked you didn’t it, I am so glad you haven’t changed, but Jongwoon you have been bad”

He was taking steps towards while I was moving backwards and then he continued his speech

“But I am still glad those marks remain. Oh you missed me as well, my art like voice”

I had no more space to retreat and then he blocked me from moving. Panic was rushing through my system.

“I am glad you still remember our time but Jongwoon how did you become so weak, you were so strong even after all those sessions, has your body grown dull” his fingers trailing over my body finding their way up and landing on my neck.

“Don’t forget your only value was and is only your voice. Don’t think you are better than the other members” he was tightening his grip on my neck with the sole purpose of strangling me and then he cut my air supply and I was literally hyperventilating “Get your act together before you lose what little you’ve achieved”

He loosened his grip and the air flooded back into my lungs and I was gasping for air, I fell to the ground.

“I hate it when we can’t have any time together... but don’t worry, I will find time to be with you again”

And then I heard his footsteps walking away.

END OF YESUNG POV

[KYUHYUN POV]

The members were packing their stuff and Ryeowook was making plans on what we were doing today, it was decided or basically Ryeowook forced his way through but now at least Yesung hyung isn’t mad at him so Ryeowook had a big smile on his face. Leeteuk, Shindong and Siwon hyung had scheduled so they couldn’t come with us but Leeteuk hyung just said to us have fun and they nodded. 

The members had packed stuff and other hyungs were leaving while we were waiting for Yesung hyung, when a door threw open hoping it wasYesung hyung but the person was Yesung's cousin who was panting like he’d just ran a marathon.

“Where’s Jongwoon?” His voice was desperate, why is he looking for hyung? Didn’t they already talk before hyung came into the room?

“Jaehyuk-ssi, he’s with Hanjae hyung” Siwon hyung said.

“Mother f–”

He cursed, yes definitely he is hyung’s cousin.

“FIND HIM QUICKLY” he shouted.

“Why?” Leeteuk said and his expression turned sour.

“I will explain later, please trust me and find him, he should not be alone right now”

Few seconds passed before Leeteuk hyung motioned us to find him, we split up in pairs Ryeowook was with me before both of us also spread up, why are these days we are finding Yesung hyung all the time and it never leads to good result.

“*sob sob*”

I stopped someone’s voice coming from the room, I listened closely and someone was crying?

Ryeowook had also come over assuming he had covered his grounds, his mouth was shaping words before he shut it when he heard the noise. After some seconds, his eyes widened and he opened the doors and what we found inside was worse than me seeing him faint that day,

He was curled up in the corner with arms around his necks, when we came closer to him, we saw he was shaking and trembling a bit and then we heard the voice that stopped us in tracks. Hyung was crying, he was crying. But why?

Ryeowook was already out of trance when he rushed forward toward hyung, sitting down he touched him and then I saw him trembling even more, even Ryeowook froze in shock not because he was trembling but his eyes, he was so afraid of them.

“I..I wwilll be gooddd…… sso please don’t, please don’t not today, please just stooppppp”

“Hyung what are you talking about?” Ryeowook said

“Pleaseee don’t, don’t, I am sorry, I will be goooddd”

He was crying so hard and his voice was cracking, I couldn’t stand seeing him like that then I heard some other steps and I guess the members were here

“Yah, kyu why didn’t you tell us you foun…” it was Eunhyuk hyung's voice and he trailed off when he looked atYesung hyung's direction and his eyes widened.

“Hyung?” it was Siwon who was the last one to come with Jaehyuk.

With all the members present and the silence which was present and the only voice in the room was Yesung hyung repeating the same words over and over again. 

Ryeowook was trying his best to stop hyung from crying but it was only making it worse.

Jaehyuk-ssi came closer 

“That’s why I told you not to leave like that. Stupid Jongwoon.” He said and then he pulled out a syringe from his pocket and struck hyung in the shoulder with the injection. Before any of the members could protest,Yesung hyung had fallen down and he caught him.

Then he turned to all of us

“I suppose you all need an explanation”

“We do, especiallywhy you injected him” Leeteuk hyung said and he was mad, I looked towards Ryeowook and he looked lost. 

“I will explain but right now he needs to rest” 

Leeteuk nodded and Siwon hyung came forward to help carry hyung’s collapsed body.

We quietly made it to the vans and no one said a word except Leeteuk hyung who told the manager to cancel our schedule for today. The manager was about to protest before Leeteuk hyung glared at him, and he complied., we all decided to go to the dorms, as dorm was safest place right now and on the way Leeteukhyung had called Heechul hyung, giving him a short summary to which he yelled over the speaker and said “Okay, I will meet you all in the dorm”

We had arrived and Yesung hyung was still asleep, Siwon hyung and I helped hyung up and put him in a room, now did I look at him closer his eyes were all puffy and swelled up.

We closed the door behind and were all gathered in the living room and Heechul hyung had also arrived looking worried before he said anything to us, his eyes asked where is he?

I pointed to whereYesung hyung was and he rushed over to the room to see him and then came back to the living room and sat down.

“I assume you’re Yesung’s cousin from what Leeteuk told me over the phone”

“Yes, nice to meet you Heechul ssi”

“I would have loved to make an acquaintance but right now please enlighten us why you injected him” Heechul hyung was angry. Hyung was really throwing venom.

“Okay first I am Jongwoon’s cousin and also his doctor” 

“Doctor?” Heechul hyung said, 

“Yes, I am his doctor, Jongwoon was suffering from a panic attack”

Panic attack when the words actually synced through, he spoke again.

“He was already suffering when he was talking to me, I was trying to convince him to take his meds when he stormed out of the room and made his way to your waiting room but since the attack wasn’t entirely gone, it struck with full force the next time, so I had to inject him or it would have cracked him”

“How exactly long has he been suffering” Leeteuk hyung said

“10 years” the words spoken were cold and straight to the point.

Half of the members were crying now. Heechul hyung went to hug Leeteuk hyung who said why he didn’t know about that. Ryeowook was frozen in place. And I didn’t know I should speak.

“To be honest, this wouldn’t relieve you but Jongwoon probably wouldn’t have told you about this ever, that kid likes to solve things on his own but please look after him, he’s literally going to collapse soon if this goes any long”

“How or actually why?” Leeteuk said while his voice was cracking

“I am sorry Leeteuk-ssi, I can’t say anything more. You would need to ask him your…..

Thud thud 

All movement stopped when we Ryeowook was the first rush out of the room towards his direction.

END OF KYUHYUN POV

[YESUNG POV]

I was in dark place, everywhere I turned I saw darkness, he felt his chest was becoming heavy like each breath needles pricking his skin, I tried to walk gripping my chest, looking for someone or something but darkness was swarming everywhere, trying to break him, I tried to run but my legs gave out strength, he tried to move his heavy legs but the ground felt shaky. 

I saw a light I tried to run after it and then I saw a room, it was silent only the sound of his breath was wheezing but then he heard a another sound more like whisper, I don’t know what it was saying I tried to concentrate and then I heard “Hyung Hyung”

I opened my eyes to form the person beside me, “Wookie?” 

I heard the person sighed in relief, then I tried calming myself, the same things I have been doing for who knows how many years, when the voices of other people were being overlapped, did I see the members face in the room looking relieved and almost scared before I could address them. I saw an object and growled

“GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME” 

The members were looking confused and when they shifted their direction to where I was staring at, they quieted down.

“Jongwoon, I….”

“I told you before didn’t I not to sedate me” I seated myself up with the help from Ryeowook.

“Did I tell you .. ouch I gripped my head, my stupid head.

“Hyung!!” Hyukjae said walking closer to me sitting on the other side while Ryeowook was doing his best to force me to lay down again.

“I am your doctor, I know what's best for my patient”

“No, you were my doctor, I already cut down that tie” my stupid buzzing head. 

Looking around I figured this was a Kyuhyun room, looking down I saw an object lying broken down. 

“Kyu, I am sorry for that” I said pointing to the object, confusing to what I was saying did he look to what I was pointing and then said

“It’s okay, hyung. Don’t worry about that”

“Jongwoonie, your cousin told us about your attack,” Heechul hyung said, bringing me back to my senses.

“You did what” I glared at him, tightening my hold on the cover. “What right did you have telling them about it?”

“JONGWOON” I flinched, “You, why didn’t you tell us about it? What would have happened if your cousin didn’t tell us?” Leeteuk hyung said almost yelling.

Ryeowook was also squeezing my hands and Hyukjae was urging me to answer. I looked down

“It has been 10 years and not a single person knew here” that desperate tone. 

10 years wow so long

“I wasn’t going to tell you hyung” looking straight to Teukie hyung eyes and answering. 

“Sungie hyung” Ryeowook was tightening his hold.

How could I tell you Teukie hyung? Your life hasn’t been any easier than mine. The last thing I want is you holding a dead baggage, which is of no use.

“Yesungie, we could have helped” Heechul hyung said.

Help hmm

“Words don’t help, hyung. They never had” I said and Teukie hyung ended up crying.

The guilt I felt after seeing his tears, I am so sorry hyung

Heechul hyung ended up dragging Teukie hyung out of the room, I can’t stay here any longer, I pulled my hand out from Ryeowook whose hold had loosened. I reached to my feet before Kyuhyun stopped me from advancing.

“Hyung, just stay here for the night”

“Kyu, this is your room. I can’t stay here.”

“Hyung, it’s okay, I will stay in Eunhyuk hyung’s room.”

“Buttt..”

“No, buts.”

“Hyung, I am so so so sorry” I turned my head and Ryeowook was crying.

“I am so sorry I didn’t know. I am so sorry” 

“Shh Wookie, it’s okay, it’s not your fault” I hugged him and then Donghae was also crying so was Eunhyuk where kyu was trying his best not to.

This is all my fault. This is why I never wanted them to know, this was supposed to be my problem

, I was trembling, I could feel it, but this was not the time for me to shake.

Pull yourself together Jongwoon.

“Yah, stop that!” Siwon’s voice suddenly filled the room and when I turned my head to see the commotion, my eyes widened, Hyung was trying to put me to sleep again and Siwon was blocking his path. Heechul and Leeteuk hyung had also come over, hyung wasn’t crying anymore which was the good thing but 

“Siwon-ssi get out of my way, I am doing for his own good. Having attacks thrice is detoreating his mental health”

I stood up and pushed Siwon aside, he was not willing but I smiled at him and urged him, and he did what I said.

“Hyung, why are you doing the same things as then”

“Jongwoon, this is for your own good”

Again those same words, I have no idea how many times I have heard those exact same words.

“No, it really isn’t” my voice was in the midst of cracking.

Heechul hyung saw that and he pushed my cousin out of the room even in the middle of his protest. This is so tiring.

“Yesung-ah” I looked up and Teukie hyung walked closer to me. “Hyung is sorry. For such a long time, you couldn’t tell any of us anything”

That’s not it, hyung you have nothing to be sorry about…

, but those words didn’t resurface, instead...

“Hyung, can you please leave? I want to be alone right now” not looking through his eyes,Teukie squeezed my hands one more time before he walked out and the other members followed. Turning the door closed, leaving me behind those dark walls once again. 

This was where I belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a yehyuk plot going on in my head and I would rly like to share it with you but rn this fic is a priority to me since this is my first I don't want to ruin it, but if someone wants to co-write with me I will be able to share the story with you guys alot quicker but if not, then plz stay tune for that fic to be landing on this account sooner or later. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter !!   
> As always I am thankful to Naomi for editing this chapter <3


	10. Chapter 10

Morning came and just like Kyu wanted, I stayed in his room but sleep never came, well no different than every other night but not wanting to make the situation worse I stayed. I opened the door and saw that few of the members were sleeping in the living room, the rest I suppose were in the rooms, I saw a figure in the kitchen and when I went to get a closer look it was Ryeowook making something for the members to eat. This brings back good memories I suppose.

“Hello Wookie” the figure turned over to my direction and smiled brightly, he really never changed.  
“Hyung, are you hungry? I’m making something for the other members, so you would have to wait for a while.” Ryeowook eagerly said.  
I chucked and then “I will brew myself coffee” I am not hungry “Do you want some help?”   
“Hyung, I rather you stay out of the kitchen” he put out a sarcastic comment  
“Yah, you brat!!” he chuckled and went back to his work and then another voice came from behind me  
“Why have you been messing with hyung since morning? That’s my job” Eunhyuk said  
I smacked his head “How proud are you in saying that I bet you want to mess with me first”  
“Hyung, that hurts” he whined gripping his head  
“It was supposed to” a straight comment.

“What's all this noise such early in the morning?” Heechul hyung appeared rubbing his head.  
“Morning heenim” I greeted.  
He smiled.  
All the members were in the kitchen; Leeteuk hyung and Kyu helping Ryeowook with food, both have improved in cooking whereas I still suck.  
The plates were put out and food was served, everyone was eating and laughing. I missed this and I certainly enjoyed this but putting the coffee down on the table, I looked up

“Guys” I sighed.  
“No matter how much I like sitting here with you all, there's something you all are dying to ask and..” I said looking at the members “Just ask but don’t expect me tell you everything”

The members all stopped laughing, their eyes uneasy, unsure whether to ask or not., The clattering of spoons against plates had also stopped.

“Just ask, I think that’s the only way to resolve the heavy tension” I said before getting up from the seat, picking up the coffee mug and went to the living room, the member soon falling down my steps.  
All of them seated and I was the center of attraction. Then Leeteuk hyung initiated the conversation.

“Y-Your cousin said you were suffering for 10 years now..., how did you manage without anyof us knowing?, We were all living together back then and we didn’t even know” his voice trialed of at the end, he was definitely feeling that this was all his fault, that stupid cousin, now I think about it where is he? Well he’s not important.

“If you’re asking me how I got by with daily life then it was thanks to medicines” the members frowned with my answer.  
“But hyung I shared a room with you, I never saw any bottle of medicines” Ryeowook said while not meeting my eyes.   
“Because I never took any in front of you” is a simple and straight answer but Ryeowook looked like he felt rejected.  
“But the day when we found you in the bathroom both times, was it because of the attack?” Donghae asked, curious but more afraid of knowing the answer.

“I took Antacid, sleeping pill … and sometimes sedatives to calm myself. Mostly during performances I didn’t take any, I did suffer but it was manageable” the members were all quiet.   
“That’s all I am going to answer you” I got up from my seat.  
“Yesungie, are you okay now?” Heechul hyung asked.  
“What answer would you like? The truth or…?”  
“The truth Yesung”   
“Then no.”

“Would you like to–” I cut in Leeteuk hyung words  
“Go to your schedules, you missed yesterday, you won’t be able to take a day off today. Go and work. I am going to do the same”

My willingness to speak was over, this goes long if they ask more, how will I even answer.

“But hyung” Siwon said  
“No, Siwon, go and work. That’s your job”

The members were up and moving but Heechul hyung stayed at the same place

“Hyung, you’re the busiest out of all of us, just go.”  
Hyung came closer and hugged me, I was not expecting that  
“Yesungie, hyung is sorry”  
The guilt, my chest tightened.

And then someone else embraced me from behind  
“No fair, Heechul hyung, Yesung hyung is mine!” Wookie said.  
“Yah, he’s mine!”  
Suddenly all the members just hugged me.

It felt good. and it had been a long time since I felt this bubbly.

“I am sorry for all this” I said  
“It’s okay, Yesung-ah” Leeteuk hyung ruffled my hair.

“Hyung, don’t forget I still have a favor to ask you,” Donghae said.  
“Oh right, do you want me to record a demo for you?”  
“How did you know hyung?”  
“You are too simple,” Donghae pouted as everyone laughed.  
“Hyung!!!!!!”  
“Yes, yes. I will record it, tell me when I should come”  
“Tomorrow, today we need to practice the choreo and I think there is a meeting for the photoshoot, so there is no time, are you free tomorrow?”  
“I think I am but I will check and tell you”

Donghae nodded and Eunhyuk and he left the dorm, since the van had arrived, Kyu and Wook also left, they were busy with musicals. Siwon and Shindong shortly went afterwards.  
That left me and my two hyungs, after 5 minutes Teukie hyung received a message and he waved us off and left.  
Heechul hyung was waiting and so was I. Heechul hyung went to the washroom and someone rang the doorbell. Assuming it was hyung’s manager, I went to open the door but it was a postman which asked me if I was Kim Jongwoon. I nodded and then he gave me the envelope and left.   
I didn’t order anything and this wasn’t even my address, is it a fan letter?  
I opened the envelope up, it was a letter but not a fan letter., It was his letter, telling me to meet him right now, but the time hyung was also standing in the hallway by then and I just rushed outside to get to the desired place, I didn’t even hear what hyung was saying.

I went to the so called place and he was standing right there in the middle of the room and he beckoned me to come inside and which I did.   
“Finally, we have some time together with no interruptions, Joogwoon-ah '' his voice sent shivers across my whole body.  
“Your members are so possessive over you, following you wherever you go all the time, you have no idea how much I wanted to knock them out right there and then..”

“Do you know how lonely I was when I had to leave your side? But it doesn’t matter now, right? We are together now..”

He took a step closer to me

“W—Why can’t you leave me alone?!”

“Of course I can’t, we are meant to be”  
“NNo you are crazy?!”  
“If that was the case, why didn’t you remove them” tracing his fingers to the scars made a long time ago, his touch sent shivers across my body.  
It was to remind me, those were the only ones I left be but now……….

Bite 

He bit my nape 

“S—Sttopp it” I tried to get myself free but he grabbed my hands and locked them over the wall, I was thrashing and moving but it did nothing, it was of no use and he kept nibbling, chewing and licking.   
It was disgusting. I wanted to be free but he was too strong, he always was. 

“Woonie-ah, why are you crying?” I didn’t even know when I had started crying, I was so weak.

“Shh, you know you can't do anything without me” he literally has a thing for making my body freeze and my body doesn’t respond

“I told you to stop crying, you don’t really listen to me, guess you need to be punished”

Punished, my eyes widened, No anything but that, I tried to leave but he grabbed hair and forcefully pulled me behind  
It hurts

“You really have courage now but to be a bad boy Jongwoon, you will be and always be weak and now since you keep on disobeying me. You need to be punished right”

He dragged me by my hair and threw me on the bed. Before I could even try to get up he had climbed on top of me.

“Don’t be so eager to run away, the fun hasn’t even started yet.”

I was still thrashing under him and I successfully kicked him but it did no damage

SLAP SLAP

He slapped me on my face. He has never slapped me before, to protect my face since it would be seen by others. It was the only thing that wasn’t bandaged underneath my clothes.   
The moment I hesitated thinking, it was over, he tied my hands and pulled my jeans down, tracing against those scars he gave.

“Jongwoon, let’s make up for the years we missed. Shall we?”

“No, pplleasee sstopp.”  
I was crying and trembling all over, my hands were tied and I couldn’t do anything about it.

S L I C E   
S L I C E

He added another stroke, it hurts, it hurts. 

_____________________________END OF YESUNG POV___________________

[HEECHUL POV]

I was waiting for the manager to arrive but it was taking a bit of time so I wanted to talk to Yesungie alone. I went to the bathroom to do my business, when I heard the bell ringing assuming it was either my manager or his. When I was done I came out and saw no one except inside the room my eyes landed on the letter Yesung was holding. It must be a fan letter since the maknaes and the anchovy are living here currently. I was about to call Yesung out before he opened the door and rushed outside leaving me behind with a blank expression, why did he just go outside like that, why so rushed? Those thoughts did come to my mind but I don’t know to follow him out after 5 minutes but it was obvious I lost him.  
How was I even going to find him when I don’t even know where he went off too? Scratching my head for a way to find any good suggestions  
Ring ring

“Heechul-ssi, where are you?” it was my manager “You are not in the dorm and the door is opened, where are you? Are you outside?”

“Hyung, chill so many questions, yes I am outside Yesungie just went off somewhere and I tried to follow him but I lost him

I am currently trying to track him but then again I don’t know where he is”

“Heechul-ssi just come back, Yesung-ssi can handle himself, and he is not a kid. We are going to be late for schedule. You already cancelled it yesterday and the label had to apologize because we don’t even know the reason why you suddenly left in the midst of shooting. I heard from the other manager it has something to do with Yesung-ssi, but Heechul-ssi you’re busy and he isn’t. We need to keep up with the schedules and we can’t……….”

“Listen here, Temporary Manager. You have been here for what one week. You do not tell me what to do and what not to, I know my own work and timings. Do not forget I am a super junior member before anything else. I am not late, nor have I ever skipped work, but nothing is more important than my members, so before you start saying shit about my family, you need to go through me. If you think that being a manager now gives you the right to bad-mouth Yesung or any of the other members of my group you’re going to find out very quickly just how difficult I can be to work with. Do I make myself clear?”

“Heechul-ssi, I appologi–”   
“Stay there and wait.”  
I dropped the call., The nerve of the new managers these days. I rolled my eyes, I need to have a word with the company, who hired this dimwit. 

But then again I can’t blindly knock on all the apartments and I am not even sure he even went inside or left to go somewhere else. Should have followed him the moment he rushed out and not stand like a mannequin for 5 minutes straight damn. I should just go back and call him later and then I will scold him.   
Deciding to just go to work now, I walked down to get to the van but I stopped in tracks when I heard voices., They were muffled and I really couldn’t hear it well, I stood in front of them debating what to do. Should I ring the bell to check? But I can’t do that, what excuse will I make?

The sounds were growing louder by the second, what do I do?   
Should I go in and deal with the consequences later?  
Yeah, let’s do that, though I hope there’s nothing wrong.

I was about to ring the bell but then I turned the door handle and it was unlocked. Okay no one would be doing anything to anyone in the afternoon with an unlocked door right? Just leave it.  
I was about to close the door, but since it was opened I could clearly hear the voice and my curiosity led me inside, it was a normal apartment and from the looks of it, it belonged to a man. 

The sounds intensified and I could hear sniffles and then I heard a scream. My feet just walked on their own and what I saw made me want to go and hide somewhere.

Yesung was trapped beneath a man and he was... slicing him?! Wait slice. My eyes widened and I grabbed the man’s shirt and shoved him aside, I managed to push him thanks to him being caught off guard but I didn’t think I would be able to do it again but that’s not the point, there was blood everywhere and Yesung was trembling. It isn’t his blood right..?. 

“Yesungie??” I was terrified. I tried to undo the knot which tied his hands.

“Oh it’s Heechul-ssi, nice to see you again” the man said with a chilling smile, now standing on his feet with a bloody knife in his hand. I was getting goosebumps, I needed to leave this place quickly.

Wait. Blood.

“Why don’t you leave him alone? It’ is starting to get really annoying when you’re all over my Jongwoonie”

Yours??What the hell?! 

“Heechul-ssi, please leave I need to have Jongwoon for myself”

“Are you crazy? Do you think I will leave Yesung with you?”

“Heechul-ssi, I am being nice here, please leave when I tell you”  
“I don’t even listen to my mother, do you think I will listen to you”  
“I warned you, don’t regret it”  
And he came after me with a knife, I braced myself for the impact but huh I am not hurt. I am not, I opened my eyes and how I wished it remained close, in front of me was Yesung blocking my path.

“Hyung, are you okay?” he had that small smile on his face and then I saw the knife, it was embedded on his right shoulder.

“Y-Yesungg” I was trying to say but was cut off

“Jongwoon, how admirable of you trying to protect these people who didn’t even know you were suffering for 10 years, don’t you think it's ironic?.”

He was suffering for 10 years, It wasn’t just a simple panic attack.

“Hanjae, get out.” he pulled the knife out from his shoulder and the blood was seeping out from the wound.

“Yesu–..”

“If hyung is here then his manager will be close by, if you don’t want to cause any trouble, I suggest you leave NOW.”

“Jongwoon, you do know you’re injured and Heechul-ssi isn’t really a fighter”

“I know but right now I have a knife and I can stab you. Get out before–..”

“Heechul-ssii where are you? We need to go” I heard a voice from outside, still far away but close enough

Yesung was staring at the man but then he passes a smile 

“I think that’s enough fun for today. You are lucky this time Jongwoonie...I am satisfied so I will leave alone but for now”

The man glanced at Yesung one more time before he went away. And the moment the man was out of sight that Yesung collapsed straight away, I caught him before he fell straight but

“Hyung are you okay? He didn’t hurt you did he?!” his breathing was shallow and he was panting hard.

“Yesung why did you do that?” he smiled softly in response 

“Hyung, can you pass me my jeans?”

Jeans? What jeans? Then I noticed his legs. He was naked from the waist down and there was blood flowing out from… oh God. Questions aside, he needs a hospital, I went to fetch the discarded jeans lying on the floor and I was about to call 911 when a hand stopped me from dialing. 

“Hyung, no………..no hospital. J-just caalll my cousin… he’ll know”

And then he fainted.

“Yesung, Yesung!!!!!!!!!!???????”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please like and comment !!!
> 
> Okay, currently I am going to write a yehyuk fic which is going to be an twt au and I will post it on my acc as well as on asian fanfics, I can post it here if you want me too!!!


	11. Chapter 11

[RYEOWOOK POV]

Kyuhyun and I were going back to the dorm because the recordings were cancelled and rescheduled to who knows when. I was wondering if Yesung hyung had left or not.Kyu and I had been devising a plan to feed him when he won’t be able to run away. With devious thoughts running in my mind to make him eat something proper, they were disrupted when 

RING RING 

Donghae hyung was calling me.

“Yes, hyung?”  
“Ah Wookie, do you know where Yesung hyung is?” nowadays someone asking for Yesung hyung is rarely a good sign.

“H-Hyung?”  
“He had to come to the studio right now for the recording but he isn’t picking up and I called his manager and he said he’s been waiting in front of the dorm but hyung wasn’t out yet. Can you go and check, I know you and Kyu are going back to the dorm right now”

“Okay hyung, I will”  
The call was cut leaving me with no happy thoughts.

“Manager-ssi, can you drive a bit fast?”  
Kyu eyed me wondering what's wrong and I said it's something to do with Yesung hyung and he understood and urged the manager to drive faster meanwhile I explained to him the conversation that took place.

After 10 minutes we arrived safely, Kyu and I went ahead to the dorm and found it was open, when we cautiously stepped inside, I called out to hyung but there was no response.

Pant pant 

I spinned around to the source of the sound and it left me in awe. Heechul and Yesung hyung were covered in blood, I don’t know whose but it wasn’t a pretty sight to see.

Heechul hyung seeing us  
“Kyuhyun-ah, help me with Yesung” Kyu rushed forward and gave hyung a helping hand.  
“Who had Yesung's Cousin number here?”   
Heechul hyung looked at both of us frantically and we both shook our heads.

“FIND HIS NUMBER NOW” he shrieked and I went to call Leeteuk hyung as Kyu and hyung went to the bedroom with Yesung hyung.

I called Teukie hyung twice but he wasn’t picking up, I was growing impatient by the minute, I tried called his manager and luckily he picked up  
“Where is Leeteuk hyung?” I said without any greetings, screw greetings they not important   
“Ryeowook-ssi, he is the midst of shooting”  
“GET HIM ON THE PHONE IMMEDIATELY” I was practically screaming at this point.  
“Ryeowook-ssi, I can’t. it’s a live broadcast”  
“Screw live, get him on the phone, it’s URGENT” 

After 2 minutes, hyung was on the other side of the receiver.

“Ryeowook-ah, what’s wrong?” hyung voice was laced with worry  
“Hyung, do you have Yesung hyung‘s cousin’s number?”  
“Ryeowook, you made me leave my live to askme for his number?”  
“Hyung, Yesung’s hyung is for god's sake bleeding in the dorm room, and I need HIS NUMBER NOW”  
“B-bleeddingg?”  
“Hyung, number. now”  
“Wait, I'm coming as well”  
“Hyung, quickly”

After getting his number, I dialed immediately, it was picked up after five beeps

“Yes?” said the man   
“Yesung hyung bleeding in the dorm, please come quickly”  
Silence   
And the call was dropped.

I rushed to the room where Hyung was and it was awful to look at. He was so pale and Heechul hyung was putting pressure on his shoulder which seemed to be controlling the bleeding but hyung was afraid that it would start bleeding again. Kyu was doing the same but on his leg, and both were not moving, too afraid something would happen.

“Hyung, I called his cousin” I said and Heechul hyung just nodded in acknowledgement, eyes not moving away from Yesung hyung.  
After 15 minutes Yesung’s cousin had arrived and pushed out outside of the room and we were standing in the hallway, Heechul hyung and Kyu were stained with Yesung hyung blood and the mere sight was making me throw up, none of us said anything not until we heard some news.

Leeteuk arrived in the dorm 10 minutes later, he was panting hard like he ran a marathon and then when he saw Heechul hyung and Kyu covered with blood, he gasped. Of course he would be shocked.

“Yesung hyung, you left me be in the studio. I am not going to………….” Donghae hyung was standing in front of the door and looking at the scene in front of him  
“Donghae, why are you standing in front of me,” and Eunhyuk hyung came and at first he wasn’t looking at us but only at Donghae hyung who was standing in his way but then when he looked at us, he was terrified.

There was a moment of silence which was broken down when   
“Chullie?” Leeteuk hyung came forward and hugged hyung who was kneeling down   
“I-It was becauseee off meeeee” and hyung was crying.  
I didn’t even notice he was crying even when I was standing so close to him.  
Eunhyuk hyung went to hug Kyu who was also crying and Donghae hyung was rushing towards me and hugged me. We all were sobbing at this time. 

We all were waiting for his cousin to appear, the other members were notified and all rushed to the dorm within the next 30 minutes, both of them were silent, just staring at the blood covering Kyu and Heechul hyung. They wanted to say something but choose silence.

“He is ok now” his cousin's voice spoke up and the members who knew sighed in relief. “Though he lost a bit of blood, he is alright now. it's a good thing you kept pressing the wounds because of this he won’t need to go to the hospital”   
His cousin stepped in the room we all were sitting in. 

“H-his wounds?”Kyu spoke up.

Hearing the word of wounds the members got confused as they didn’t know.  
“His shoulder is fine, it wasn’t a deep wound but his leg will leave a scar behind”

Kyu and Heechul hyung were looking down.

“It wasn’t only the panic attack. Was it?” Heechul hyung said looking at Yesung’s cousin warily.

“What do you mean by that?” Leeteuk hyung spoke.

“It has something to do with him right?” ignoring Leeteuk hyung he again looked at Jaehyuk  
“I can’t say anything,” he said.  
“Screw you, I was with him when his hands were tied with his necktie and he was over him and cutting him up. Do you expect me to hear that answer that you freaking can’t say anything right now”

Though I vaguely saw the wounds, since they were desperately trying to pressurize it, I didn't know or actually didn’t want to ask how he got them.

“He was trembling all over and then that idiot came in front of me and protected me from the knife, so right now I expect answers, proper ones” hyung’s voice was trailing off and he was crying.  
Now all the members had gotten an idea what had actually happened and all were on the verge of breakdown because the words sunk in and they all were having different thoughts.

He didn’t say anything but looked at us one more time before

“Right now all you three need” pointing to me,Kyu and hyung direction. “ is a bath. Get the blood out and I will be back soon to check on him again.”

He left after grabbing his bag

“Heechul-ah go and get changed, you have blood all over you” Leeteukhyung said avoiding the blood soaked shirts “You too Kyuhyun-ah”

“Buttt Teukie”  
“Go and wash, in this situation we can’t do anything”

Heechul hyung stared at Leeteuk hyung for a while and moved towards the shower to get the blood out,Kyuhyun followed suit, while the rest went to change clothes except Siwon and Shindong hyung, Donghae, Leeteukand Eunhyuk had blood over their clothes when they hugged us.   
When I came out of my room, I saw Yesung’s hyung room open, hoping he had woken up and I took steps inside but found Leeteuk hyung sitting by his side and looking over him.  
Heechul hyung was also done with his bath and he also went inside the room and sat on the other side, soon all the members had made their way inside all taking peaks towards hyung direction but not sure what to say. 

“Heechul, can you please explain what happened?” Leeteuk hyung said but not moving his eyes away from the bed to be more precise from the sleeping figure.

“Yesung and I were left in the dorm both waiting for the cars to pick us up, I went to the bathroom for a moment, I heard the bell ring I assumed it was the manager so when I came back to the living room, there was no one but Yesung holding something and he just rushed out. I didn’t know why I called him out but he didn’t respond after five minutes I went out but since I didn’t know where he had gone, I literally walked blindly before I was going back to the dorm when I heard muffled voices coming, when I came closer I contemplated whether to go in or not but I had a bad feeling so I turned the handle and the door was open and I made myself in but then I could hear the voice clearer and my feet just walked towards it and t-then I saw Yesung.”

Hyung was sobbing again and Teukie squeezed his hand to continue but Teukie hyung had tears forming himself and so were the rest of the members who were only listening quietly.

“That bastard had trapped him under and had tied his hands and was cutting him up. That's when I kicked him aside and undid the tie but he was coming back with the same knife and was about to strike me when Yesung took the blow instead of me.  
“I am so sorry Yesungie” hyung was sobbing heavily and Teukie hyung was comforting him even though his tears were also falling down.

“Hyung who was it?” Shindong hyung said.  
Teukie hyung was also staring at him, waiting for an answer, Heechul hyung looked at Yesung hyung before replying to the name we never expected.

“It was Hanjae, Yesung old manager”

There were a few seconds of dead silence as they all let the words sink in. It looked as if like someone had completely pulled the rug out from under them because now the only thing that was going on there heads was   
it wasn’t only a panic attack, it was abuse. 

“Leeteuk, how could we have not known? The attacks? Those were just the aftermath he was suffering. How were we so blind as to not notice?. We lived together for over 10 years and we didn’t know a single thing about it!.”

There was no answer to that question. We failed to protect one of our members when of all the people it was Yesung hyung, how could he do that to him.  
Leeteuk hyung was scanning each member wondering if they somehow knew something but everyone had their heads down, too ashamed to lift them and too ashamed to meet his eyes.

“Someone should have known something and more importantly if it was abuse” Leeteuk hyung was saying to them  
“Ryeowook” he turned his attention to me. “You were his roommate. Even if Yesung was hiding it, it wasn’t possible you couldn’t have known. he must have slipped up once or twice”

I wish I could dig a hole and stay buried there forever.   
I didn’t know, someone who took care of me like his own little brother and I didn’t even take notice of him. I just want to bury myself right here and now.

“Heechul hyung, where is han jae?” Siwon hyung said.  
“I don’t know, Yesung made him go away and at that time, that bastard wasn’t on my priority list”  
“We need to call the police and inform them,” Donghae hyung said.  
“We should, I will call them” Leeteuk hyung said and was about to get up when Heechul hyung grabbed his hand and pulled him to sit down.  
“Chullie?”  
“No”  
“What no, hyung” Eunhyuk hyung said.  
“We are not going to call the police until Yesung wakes up and tells us too”  
“Hyung!!”Kyusaid.  
“No, listen. When he was bleeding all over, I was calling the hospital. That's the first thing I would do after seeing all that but he told me to call his cousin and not the hospital. I don’t want to make any decisions which will cause Yesung any more panic. We will decide after he wakes up. That is final.”  
“Butt, hyung…….”

I was about to say something that we should call the police but then our heads turned to look at Yesung hyung. He was thrashing around and mumbling something, although he still appeared to be unconscious.  
He was having a nightmare.

“Yah, force him still, he is going to open up the wounds,” Leeteuk hyung said frantically.   
Kyu and Siwon rushed to bind him to stop him from moving, they succeeded in holding him still but then all then the next thing we heard our hearts were breaking to pieces if they already haven’t yet.

“Hyung… *sob* Leeteuk hyung *sob* Heechul hyung *sob* please save me”   
Leeteuk and Heechul hyung both stiffened when they heard their names.  
Yesung hyung was crying.

“Please stop..., I am sorry I won’t do it again. I will be a good boy and listen to you...please stop”  
*Hiccup sob hiccup sob*

Hyung was crying and repeating those same words over and over again.  
Heechul hyung grabbed hyung’s small bandaged hands and said  
“Jongwoon ah, hyung is here, hyung is here. I am sorry for being so late”

Heechul hyung kept repeating those words and just like a baby hearing comforting words from their mother, hyung eventually calmed down and went back to sleeping peacefully free from the nightmares.  
And then   
“HOW COULD NONE OF US KNOW ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON HERE” Leeteuk hyung was practically screaming at this point.  
There was nothing we could say. We were all so oblivious of the entire situation.

When no one said anything, Leeteuk hyung was about to shout again when

“Leeteuk hyung, don’ t blame them. They didn’t know.” When we turned to around, we saw two figures entering the room but our focus went to the other petite guy walking inside

“Sungmin hyung?” Kyu kyuhyun said.  
“Hello Kyu” he smiled at us before looking towards Yesung hyung and his smile disappeared.

“Sungmin, you knew?” Heechul hyung said.


	12. Chapter 12

[SUNGMIN POV]

Every member's focus was on Sungmin who had just arrived and was standing in front of the door right now, we weren’t expecting him here so it definitely was shocking indeed.

“LEE SUNGMIN, YOU KNEW?” Heechul was howling.

“I did but at that time, it was too late for me to do anything. Hyung just wanted to bury the whole matter” he said looking towards yesung sleeping figure.

“Why didn’t you tell us when you knew?” Leeteuk hyung asked me and he was furious.  
“I couldn’t even if I wanted to”  
“Elaborate” heechul hyung voiced.  
“Hyung” remembering those times “there were too many problems going on in the group, I vaguely knew the backstory but hyung never himself told me”  
“He never told you, so just black mail him” heechul hyung said. This is a Heechul hyung like answer  
“I couldn’t do that.” Heechul Hyung was not satisfied with my explanation. So i elaborated  
“I told Hyung I would tell the rest if he doesn’t tell me, but he just looked at me and just smirked and said I wouldn’t”

“Minnie, why couldn’t you actually didn’t tell us,” Kyuhyun asked.

“His manager had already gone away and the only thing that occurred were short outbursts and sometimes he felt sick and sometimes he just behaved strangely.”

“When was hyung not strange?” Siwon said.

“Well it did him a favor, no one expected that something was wrong.  
I had enough of seeing hyung like that so I planned on telling everything but then there were issues with kangin hyung and then they were mine. I was so lost around that time that I forgot”

“HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN TO TELL US?” Heechul hyung screamed at me.

“Sungmin, how did you find out?” Leetuek asked, 

He was curious. I knew from his tone, the leader also had the right to know why the members hadn’t figured out what was going on.

“I-I kinda saw it”   
“Saw what?”  
“His manager” trailing off  
“Minnie continue, please” Ryeowook said joining in the conversation

“Do you remember the time when hyung used to slip or fall from the stages a lot?”

Everyone looking anxious but nodded

“It was mostly because he was hit and beaten up and I accidently saw the manager doing the act before I interfered. 

[FLASHBACK]

Yesung hyung fell during our promotions for Mr. Simple era. During the performance he slipped from the stage and it was such a hard fall everyone could hear the thud even with fans started screaming to check if he was okay and the music blasting loudly from the speakers, everyone looked at him before getting back towards the dance.  
In the waiting room everyone was checking up on him if hyung wasn’t injured because for the entire mini concert he was barely holding himself up but he said he was fine so we left him as he was but then his manager called him outside, and he went. At that time, I went outside not knowing why I guess I wanted some air but then I heard really loud noises coming from somewhere outside and when I got closer I saw Hanjae yelling and cursing hyung mostly it was degrading his character and him being a nuisance but then he swung a stand and was about to hit him. At that instance, I called the manager and stood between him and hyung, he still didn’t stop. Even knowing he was exposed now with me being in the room and was still going to hit him and that’s when yesung hyung covered me and took the hits for me.  
I-I was shocked and I tried to make hyung leave but he clutched me even more tightly and said 

“It will be over quickly, just stay still till it gets over, he doesn’t strike more than 5 times.” 

Whether I believed it or not he did quit after 5 strikes and left the room. Hyung then pulled away from me and sighed a deep breath clutching his back. He looked at me. 

“Hyung your back?”  
“It’s nothing to worry about, get back to the rest.”  
“Hyung this is serious.”   
“It’s not and just get back and don’t make the situation worse, we still need to perform.”  
“B-But your back”  
“Sungmin, I am clearly telling you to get lost from here and try not to make things worse”

At that time I did as I was told and convincing myself to tell all the members afterwards. Throughout the whole performance and last mnet, I kept glancing at hyung's direction and his hands were definitely placed at his back and his expression was sour but at that time he was doing his best not to ruin the show. Of course it would hurt. He was hit so badly that time, I was wondering how he was even standing, but Hyung didn’t say anything and after it ended we went to the next and next schedule and got free at night.  
We finally came to the dorm at night and Hyung went straight to the upper dorm and went to the bathroom. I guessed it was either look at his wounds or bandage them, and I followed him and waited till he came out.  
When he was out, he looked at me knowing well I would come seek him, he gestured to shut the door and that I did.  
“Sungmin, don’t you do anything”  
“Hyung that was no small matter”  
“I never said it wasn’t a small matter, I am just saying it’s nothing for you to interfere with”  
“Hyung, I am a member and your friend for 7 years now and this is clearly not a situation to joke around”  
“Who said I am joking?”  
“HYUNG!!” I was literally grabbing his collar while hyung did nothing to push me off. “I am going to tell the rest”  
“No, you are not!!”  
“Hyung!!!”   
“Sungmin!!!”

I think we were shouting so loudly that leeteuk hyung had come to check on us but found the situation to be a bit misjudging as I still haven’t let go of hyung’s collar, Leeteuk hyung had a sour expression on his face and broke us apart trying to urge both of us to speak of what happened.  
Ryeowook was also there since we were raising our voices in Hyung's room and Ryeowook shared it. He was also looking dumbfounded over the whole situation going on.

I was about to say something when hyung cut me off saying its nothing and the matter is done  
I was about to protest when my manager came and told me I have a musical rehearsal to go to now, I was so angry at hyung that I looked in his direction one last time before I left the room. 

[Flashback end]

“If you said it's Hanjae-ssi but wasn’t he just hyung’s manager for one year and he left afterwards?” Eunhyuk said after I told them what I knew.  
“Yes, I remember he was good with the rest of us but why did he do that to…..?” Donghae said with tears evident in his eyes.

“I don’t know whether I should tell you more right now given you all can’t handle the information Sungmin ssi just gave out” Jaehyuk said .

Every member looked from me to him.

“Say it, we need to know,” Heechul hyung said.

“I came to know about his condition after his manager left. His mother or my aunt was worried about Jongwoon so she asked me whether I could check him. I agreed thinking it was stress from being a celebrity but I am a psychiatrist and when I went to meet him, the result was terrible.  
He looked like someone had ran over him, he either was lost or looking at someplace else, I tried very hard for him to tell me but he just requested medicines sometimes with an excuse that he can’t sleep or his head hurts a lot, I gave him what he wanted in hope he would tell me but he didn’t, he just went on and whenever I saw him, I could see small signs of self-abuse. He just drowned himself to work until I ended up making him tell me and the process was disastrous, the moment he tried to recall, it pained me to make him tell me everything, he was convulsing and shuttering with every word coming out.  
For 2 years, I tried all kinds of therapies, meds and counselling and who knows what but it didn’t seem to work. In the end, Jongwoon quit them all but I still looked after him and tried to make him go back but he wasn’t listening and he went further back in and started avoiding me.  
Till the day I found him overdosed. The whole abuse, the words, the torment, he just couldn’t handle it anymore so that day he told me everything and I saw his wounds. It was horrible, I don’t know if he survived, a normal person would have become crazy by now, but he did till his breaking point.” 

“What do you mean overdose???” Leeteuk Hyung was panicking now.  
“I guess, he couldn’t handle it anymore, he worked like there was no tomorrow because work gave him no time to breath which also meant it gave him no time to think so he drowned himself in work. It wasn’t before I met Sungmin ssi and believe me I wish it was on better terms”

Sungmin continued,“We had no schedule that day, it was just me and Hyung in the dorm. I heard a loud sound so I went to hyung’s room. I saw him lying on the floor with medicines all over the place and he wasn’t responding. My first instinct was to call you but then hyung’s phone was ringing, I picked it up and it was Jaehyuk-ssi. That’s how I met Hyung’s cousin, when I picked the call up, I was already crying because Yesung hyung wasn’t responding and during the call I told him about it and he ran over while I performed CPR” 

“He tried to commit suicide?” Ryeowook said looking too shocked to process the whole information

“Scars but we never saw any, I mean we have seen him naked” Shindong hyung asked.

Half of the members were sniffling and crying out.

“That’s because he removed them before he enlisted in the army, it was his way of escape.  
“He felt better with time, and the attack happened less frequently, taking off from work improved his mental health a lot. Then the attacks just slowed down to 1 or 2 times a year. That’s why I told Sungmin not to tell you guys, he was desperately hiding the fact while he was getting hit, the last thing he needed was you guys to know about it”

“It still doesn’t change the fact that you should have told us, actually no you should have told the leader of the group.” Leeteuk hyung was angry not that I blame him but 

“Sungmin, you should have told us, he has been suffering for such a long time now” Heechul hyung said with teary eyes facing hyung's sleeping form.

“I know I am so sorry”

[YESUNG POV]

I found myself awake in a dark room after blinking my eyes and adjusting to the darkness. I was lying on Kyuhyun's bed again, the moment I realized where I was, was the time I remembered what happened.  
How long was I even sleeping? I tried to move myself and the moment I shifted my leg and shoulder, I let out a growl, it hurts. It really hurts. Gripping my shoulder I went still for a moment.

“Hyung?” a sleepy voice beside me said, I couldn’t recognize the voice, it was familiar yes but my body was in such pain and I couldn’t let his voice register, I tried to make out the figure in the dark and  
“Hyukjae?” I said with hoarse throat, my throat was so dry

“Hyung” he was more awake now by the sounds of it now.  
“….”  
“Hyung, do you need anything? Are you all right now?” he was literally blabbering so fast

“Water” the sound came out croaked.   
“What?”  
“Water” I tried to speak more clearly  
“Okay, I will fetch the glass of water and wake up the rest up, we will all were waiting for you”

He said before he went out.

Tick tock

It was so quiet in the room that I could hear the sound of the clock moving but then the sound of the clock changed to the sound footsteps which felt more like someone was marching towards here.

“YESUNG!!”

My ear hurts.

Several figures entered the dark room, while one made it to the switch, the sudden brightness burned my eyes but it was gone after blinking it thrice.   
All the members were standing in the room and Hyukjae came to hand me the glass of water and I unknowingly lifted my injured shoulder to reach the glass and damn how did I forget the pain I experienced less than 5 min ago. I was wincing and thankfully hyukjae hadn’t let the glass go or by now the glass would have shattered to pieces.

“Hyung?” four five voices overlapped with each other.  
“I am fine” and this time reached the glass with my uninjured hand but then someone else grabbed the glass and put a straw in it and held out for me to drink and it was Ryeowook, thankful for the act I gulped down the water hastily. 

“Hyung” a new voice came from the back of the door, it was a voice I did recognize but wasn’t expecting him to be here.  
“Sungmin? What are you doing here?”  
“I-I…”  
“He told the rest of the members everything” a voice cut into Sungmin and it was my cousin’s.

It felt like the water I just gulped down was going to come out any second, panic rising to my chest enough for me to forget my injuries and the man. No this was worse than being a punching bag.

“Sungmin, I clearly warned you years back not to interfere with this matter” I was practically yelling at him. Beside me I felt ryeowook twitch.  
“Hyung, I should have done this when I first knew.”  
“Then, if you didn’t do it back then, you should not have done it this time either”  
“No, I am doing this now because I regret it”  
“I told y…….”

“YESUNG!!!!”   
I shivered with the new voice that yelled and it was Leeteuk hyung's voice.

“Do not, literally do not Jongwoon. Do you have any idea what me and the members are feeling right now.” Hyung said while Heechul hyung was gripping his shoulders trying to calm him down.

“Do you know how all the members are dealing with this right now, you didn’t tell us anything. When Ryeowook called me and told me that you were bleeding, it felt that my heart just stopped. Do you know the feeling of how I practically and frantically ran to the dorm to find Wook, Kyu and Chul covered with blood all over and it was yours? The other members must have felt the same with the difference I knew and they came to the dorm to find you injured like that. If it wasn’t for Heechul, I would have gone to the police by now.  
Not only did you hide what happened but you felt there was no need to inform the members who you have known for half your life.

Jongwoon, do you not trust us?”

“Teukie stopped, he just woke up, don’t pressurize him. It won’t do him and us any good” with that Leeteuk stormed out of the room.

“Yesungie” I looked up to meet Heechul Hyung's eyes, and I couldn’t meet them and I scanned the other members and they all had the same eyes. Worried but more like betrayal of not sharing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I wrote a sns yewook su for new year, plz check it out if ur interested https://twitter.com/teargrants11/status/1343239301446987784) ✿♥‿♥✿
> 
> and there's a yehae one shot on my account as well!!ヽ(。ゝω･)ﾉ☆;:*
> 
> OKay guys!! There's something you need to know, I may not be able to post a new chapter for next week, 
> 
> Reason: My papers are going to start from this Tues, and it is my finals for third semester. I lowkey hate uni, (●︿●). But I still wanted to inform you all if you dont see an update. I apologize!!!


	13. Chapter 13

“Hyung?” Eunhyuk said.  
While Teukie hyung stormed out of the room with Heechul on his heels after him. My head was down and mixed feelings were swirling in my mind. How do you interact with the members now? They just think I didn’t trust them enough to tell them what happened. But how can I explain to them that it was my problem and I didn’t want them to be involved in it. They don’t deserve a person like me pulling them down, they have to fly, not be enforced to look after someone like me, to be honest I am not even worth the trouble.   
He was right about one thing I am useless and it may be why…..  
“Yesung hyung!!” I was pulled out of my thoughts when Eunhyuk was tugging me.  
“Yesss?” I answered mostly with a stern tone but a slight tremor in it. The members in the room took note of it.  
“Yesungie hyung, do you want to eat something? I made sandwiches” Ryeowook said hoping to bring some brightness to the dull atmosphere.  
“Ryeowook, bring sandwiches upstairs, we will eat with hyung together” Siwon said looking towards my direction for permission.  
I took a breath and realized I can’t say no to them, not when I worried them all, their expressions just showed that. I nodded in the end.  
Ryeowook had an expression that he just won a lottery and was about to leave before.  
“Wookie?” he paused, looked back at me and his eyes were worried, guessing that I just didn't want to eat with them so he kinda stammered and said “Yes….. hyung?”   
“Has Teukie hyung eaten anything? If he hasn’t can you ask him to come back with Heenim and eat with us”  
Ryeowook was beaming, he nodded and grabbed Sungmin before going out and Siwon followed suit.

Jae hyuk came closer and checked on my wounds and pulled out the IV from me.   
“Hyung, do they all know?” it was a whisper only intended for the one closer to hear.  
“You brat” he said hitting me in the head.   
“YAH!!!” Donghae shrieked “Don’t hit my hyung”   
Jae Hyuk took a step back and muttered “Obsessive” he eyed me.   
Donghae was coming closer and was fuming, it felt he’s going to give my cousin a piece of his mind. But grabbing him and pulling him closer with my uninjured hand.  
“Hae ya. Stop that.”  
“But hyung..” he was pouting   
“Jongwoon, your members are scary,” JaeHyuk said, not really helping the situation here. Donghae was really going to say something to him.  
“Hae ya” I said urging him to sit down. He did as I said. “Hae ya, Hyung can deal with it himself. I know you are strong but let’s refrain from getting two people injured. Okay?” I was ruffling his hair and he was pouting. 

“They are really possessive, I should enlist them in a psychiatrist ward” the cousin remarked and then it fueled donghae’s anger and they were bickering again.   
Seeing the whole thing, I ended my chuckling at those two antics. And clearly all the members present inside heard and the whole mood was totally lifted. At that moment Ryeowook came and said, seeing all the smiles from the members.  
“Yesungie hyung, what was so funny?” he chirped, Sungmin was in the back following with a plate of sandwiches with Siwon carrying glasses and drinks for everyone.  
At that moment, Leeteuk and Heechul had also arrived and saw the lively atmosphere. Heechul was raising his eyebrows and trying to someone to explain it where Shindong said

“We were seeing Donghae fooling himself?”  
“Shindong hyung!!!” he whined and then looked at my direction as if asking for me back him up instead I fondled him cheeks instead  
“Yesung hyung!!” he was pouting.  
“What?” he was making that puppy's eyes. “Cute”

All the members ended up laughing. Shortly with Donghae following and so was I.  
Ryeowook came closer and handed me a plate of sandwiches while sungmin distributed to the rest also to my cousin. Ryeowook sat in the now vacant chair and was steadfast in feeding me while I was complaining I could do it myself but he was taking no for an answer and I ended up being spoon fed.

“Hyung, is it delicious?” Wook asked  
“It is, you should eat it yourself too” picking up the sandwich and moving it closer to his mouth, Ryeowook nodded and ended up taking a bite. 

All the members were eating on the floor except for me who was on the bed and Ryeowook who was on the chair next to me. Seeing all their smiles made me question when was the last time I had actually laughed and enjoyed the member’s presence without feeling guilty all the time with my mind again going to the abyss of the icy haven and thoughts that lay inside it. My thoughts were interrupted when I felt a tap over my hand and I looked up to see Heechul hyung.  
I looked over to him with a confused but genuine expression when he looked at Leeteuk hyung and all the members before setting their eyes on me again.

“Joogwoonie” Heechul said in a voice which I knew how the conversation would diverge towards now and the room was silenced, creeping all over.

“Teukie wanted to talk with you….. but insisted it should be me” his eyes gleaming with something I couldn’t understand.

“Sungmin” he said but his tone changed to anger before going back to how it was before. “And your cousin told us about ………” he trailed off “everything”  
“I don’t know why you didn’t tell us. That fact hurts but right now I am not going to question you about those considering what just happened in the day, I don’t want to remind you. But” hyung’s expression changed and he looked at me straight and continued.  
“We need to go to the police”  
“No” it was a firm rejection of the proposal before I even knew it.  
Hyung frowned but continued. “Jongwoon ya, I am currently not asking but telling you here right now. This matter should have been over to the police a long time ago but ……… I didn’t call the police the moment I saw it wasn’t because I was never planning but then taking care of you was far more important than calling the police and I didn’t want you to be interrogated as soon as you wake up. So this is your hyung’s job to take care of you even though I should have done this long time but this is the only way I can, Leeteuk agreed so we are going tomorrow to file the complaint and whether you agree or not. It’s going to be done”  
“Hyung then why are you even telling me, just get it done then.” I said though my tone sounded annoyed to another person but regardless of the reason it should be done.  
I heard hyung sighed and took a deep breath before putting one of the hands on my cheek and caressing it before he said  
“Sungie, we need to put the man accountable for what he did to you now and …….. way before. And we are too ashamed to even look at you right now. ” 

“Still, even then you’re doing whatever you want anyway. So why are you asking me?”   
………………….

“Hyung, what’s that scar on your leg?” Kyuhyun’s voiced out and the whole room fell silent  
“What scar?” Jae hyuk said in an alarming tone looking at Kyuhyun’s direction

“When I was umm pressuring the wound I saw a scar but they were more like words………“

Panic was rising up, I didn’t hide it and he saw, he saw/ Jae hyuk rushed forward in my direction and tried to push the trouser up to see it but I kicked him in the stomach and all the members stilled in place.

“Jongwoon let me see.” Jae hyuk was pleading. “We got rid of all the scars. Did he gave you a new one?”  
“Nooo”  
“Then let me see your leg”  
“I said NOOO '' and I kicked him again when he came close, my leg was shooting out in pain since the wound reopened but it's better than them not looking at that.   
Jae Hyuk wasn’t leaving not once he saw the red stain, and the members didn’t know what to do till after unsuccessful attempts of him trying to get rid of the trouser.

“What scars is this about?” Leeteuk hyung said  
“The one’s I told him inflicted on Jongwoon. His back was the worst”  
“Scars?”  
“Yes, Jongwoon body was full of bruises, some were faint and some were old but they were there”

All the memories I wanted to forget all came flooding back in the most unpleasant means and then what I dreaded the most after the member’s came to know the truth were the looks they would give me. It would be full of pity, disgust and those are the looks I never wanted to be looked upon and sooner and later I was crying.

“Please stop….sobs sobs.. Just stop”

The wailing noise soon attracted all the members attention and then a figure rushed forward towards me and embraced me with a hug.

“Yesungie, don’t cry. We are sorry” it was ryeowook, his hands doing a soothing motion to my back running up and down.

They haven’t seen Yesung hyung cry like that, hyung was always strong in front of them so seeing them cry mommetairly left them all confused.

“I don’t..sobs.. want to hear about it anymore, sobs please stop” 

Hyung’s hold just kept becoming tighter and tighter, it felt more like he was squeezing me but his sobs felt so hurtful to me, my happy yesung hyung was crying like that, it hurt to see him. Leeteuk and Heechul hyung had also come closer but they were mostly speechless.   
My whole shirt was wet from his sobs but it didn’t stop, it kept on releasing from his eyes and that half an hour later he had cried himself to sleep. His hold on me had loosen and with the help of leeteuk hyung we put him back under the mattress, hyung’s eyes were so puffy. It literally hurt.

Leeteuk hyung motioned everyone to go out, they were reluctant but they did as they were told, mostly none of them wanted to leave hyung’s side.

“I will bandage his wound again, that idiot opened it with all the thrashing” his cousin said, Leeteuk nodded, took one glance at the sleeping figure and came out.

Outside most members have ended up crying, they couldn’t do it inside so they held the tears in and now it became a mess.

“I shouldn’t have asked Hyung that question, he became worse after listening to it.’ Kyuhyun said mostly fighting his tears not to fall but it felt like a stupid struggle to see it.  
Heechul came over, “It’s okay, it's better that now we know”  
“But hyung I made it worse” he said with his voice trailing off.  
“…”

“You didn’t make it worse, thanks to you I found out about it as well.” Hyung’s cousins entered the line of sight.  
“What was it?” shindong asked, curious glance but a worried tone.  
“Aish that idiot, I want to strangle him.” The man said, ruffling his hair.  
“What was it?”  
“Kyuhyun ssi was right. It said  
YOU’RE MINE (넌 내 꺼야)”

They were some muffled gasps and leeteuk looked like he was the next person to faint just then. Members were having a hard time trying to understand what just happened. 

“Why didn’t he remove that? I don’t know about the other scars but isn’t that the first thing he should have removed” Heechul said trying to say in a calm voice but rather it came out forced 

“I don’t know why but I can make a guess but I am not sure really”  
“Your freaking doctor makes sense of your patient's actions.” Heechul was fuming.

“Chullie stop” Leeteuk said “Right now isn’t a good time. All the members are exhausted and none of the stuff is making sense. We need to go to the police tomorrow too. So for now let’s leave this conversation”

“But Teukie”   
Leeteuk looked upon him with eyes full of exhaustion and worry and tiredness, Heechul understood and left the topic for now that is.

“What are you going to do right now?” Leeteuk looked at the members “Stay here or ?”  
“We will stay here, we stayed here a long time ago. We can stay here again,” Shindong said and the rest nodded in response, Sungmin also insisted on staying over.   
All the members split themselves in rooms.

“Teukie hyung, I will stay with Yesung hyung” Ryeowook said and Leeteuk nodded and said wake me up even if it’s a small matter. I nodded and Hyung went to Eunhyuk's hyung room along with Heechul hyung.  
I made my way towards hyung’s room, it was dark but a lamp was on and there was enough light to see hyung’s face and it was still puffy.  
That person really needs to pay, how could they do this to our Aesongie?   
I just caressed Hyung's face and then sleep overtook me, my body asking for a shut eye and before I knew it I was asleep.

Maybe it was work, he couldn’t remember just now what he was reading, he was reading something or was it composing. I don’t recall. It felt pointless so he stood up looking around but it was pointless, It was dark but the darkness didn’t frighten him but he felt there was someone else there when he heard breathing. The house was so dark he couldn’t even glimpse who it was? Was it the members? But I doubt it was them. But when the breathing felt like it was coming closer, the sound sent ice cold shivers down his spine. He couldn’t move, he was paralyzed with fear.  
He wanted to scream……….He wanted to run but it was of no use, no one will come to his rescue.  
This happened because he let it happen and it's nobody fault but his alone.

They were physical flashes of pain, he felt his being suffocated and burned.

No.. no … no, no!

His heart was racing and his throat felt someone had lit a fire and for once in his life, he should let it go.  
Filling his suffocated lungs with one last deep breath and screaming as loud as he possibly could.

It was then when a pair of arms wrapped around me, I stiffened from the contact but then  
“Hyung! Hyung, wake up… you had a nightmare..”  
When I finally identified the voice, my body relaxed and I heard shushing and comforting words and the words felt nice to hear and not suffocating like he thought.  
“Are you okay?” 

Ryeowook was talking and the light was on so it was a dream.  
A dream he has been having way too much recently.

“Jongwoon ah, are you okay?” it was heechul’s voice.

Heechul was talking with Leeteuk before he decided to make the leader fall asleep. He has been worried the most about this and I need to take care of him. I promised him I would look out for anything and he nodded and tried to fall asleep or well at least he tried.  
I made my way out to the living room and sat on the couch, scrolling through my phone and searching for pictures about yesung when he had him as his manager and the results did show up, the fans really surprise me when I look at one picture from thousand different angles but right now those angles made me realize that we were too occupied with ourselves that we believed whatever he told us, and in one picture when I saw yesung looking so tired, his eyes had no life in it, it made my heart hurt. I was so selfish to not care about him, we all know Yesung’s personality he would never share his private life if one doesn't try to probe it in the matter and the only successful people in the group was Ryeowook who actually take cares of him but Yesung was his hyung, he wouldn’t tell him. That’s why it hurt that he had only two hyung’s who never tried to seek him out when he would try everything to listen to us. We literally failed him  
I don't know how much time passed but I was startled when I heard a powerful husky voice shouting from the top of the lungs, first I was frozen in place but when I recognized the voice and where it was coming from, I was rushing towards the room.   
I turned on the lights as soon as I entered and Yesung was screaming in such a horrid voice, it sent shivers down my spine. Ryeowook was trying his best to make him calm down but clearly it was working but the effect was slow but by then all the members were inside or outside the door, not knowing if they should be coming inside or not.   
Gradually his screaming had stopped, making all the members relieved but still worried. 

Ryeowook was asking him if it was okay, to be honest that wasn’t even a question he should be asking clearly he wasn’t one bit fine. But neither did he try to say something.

When Yesung realized he was actually dreaming when he swept a glance in the room, still hugging tightly to ryeowook, refusing to let him go believing he would dive straight back. The fear was still there and he felt himself shaking and his eyes brimming in tears.

Yesung continued to shake and breath irregularly, his face nested into Ryeowook's chest, eyes shut. Ryeowook didn’t know what he should

“It's okay.. you can let go” Yesung mumbled.

But clearly his voice didn’t match his body and when Ryeowook tried shifting, he clawed on me tighter.  
Not knowing what to do, Ryeowook stayed like that, Heechul hyung was coming closer, he tried making hyung say something or talk 

“Jongwoon” the sweetest and calmest voice Heechul could muster, pushing down the terrified feeling and lumps which were forming in his throats.

I.. was terrified. I .. am not … okay“ Jongwoon said, his body shaking harder tears again making their way back to him as he closed his mouth to let them fall.  
Ryeowook kept Jongwoon in his embrace whereas Heechul did a smoothing gesture on his back, for what felt like an eternity to the members, Jongwoon finally stopped trembling and they realized he had fallen asleep.   
Leeteuk helped Heechul and Ryeowook carefully put Jongwoon behind covers and stared at him for a while.

“Hyung, where is that bastard? I am going to kill him for this.” Kyuhyun said in an angry but sad voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! I am back.
> 
> I was so tired today so this chapter isnt rly proofread and well there would be mistakes.  
> I am sorry ><


	14. Chapter 14

Yesung woke up feeling heavy and worn out. His mind felt hazy, he tried not to think of anything. He walked out of the room and into the kitchen absentmindedly. Going towards the fringe and getting water to drink. He gulped down the water.

“Hyung!!” a voice came from the living room, looking up and seeing it was Eunhyuk.  
“You are awake!” he said with a full smile showing his wide gums.

“Good morning!?”  
“Hyung, it’s evening right now but since you just woke up, so morning”  
“It’s morning?” I questioned, I actually slept for a half day?!  
“Evening hyung! Are you hungry?” Siwon said making his way to where we were standing.

“Guys. Where’s hy……” a figure emerged from the room where I was sleeping and looked at me.  
“There you are. I thought you left” Ryeowook said but I was only thinking why was he in that room again?  
“Umm.. what’s going on?” I asked   
“Hyung, don’t you remember you had a nightmare yesterday”  
A nightmare in front of them and I don’t recall. I frowned in the idea but   
“What did I say?” my voice trailing with a little bit of tension in it.  
“Umm”  
“Ryeowook!!”  
“It was nothing… you just you said.. you weren’t okay and umm… you were terrified” the last words were with Ryeowook’s eye moved towards the floor not knowing if he should make contact with his eyes but after a minute or two, he thought otherwise and looked up and it was just as he had thought, Hyung eyes- there was nothing but fright in them-

“Hyung, I am glad you are up” Kyuhyun came to the room sensing the odd and cold tension in it, so he tried to go and back hug Yesung Hyung and his attempt was successful.   
Hyung was back in hitting me and cursing again which was nice to see again, Eunhyuk hyung was also doing something to cheer yesung hyung up.   
He was stiff when I hugged him but Hyung relaxed as soon as he heard my voice.

Though the joyful moment was soon going to be shattered when Heechul and leeteuk hyung came back, they had told us they were going to the police for filing the report and since hyung wasn’t awake at that time they naturally left without telling him.

“Jongwoon ah, you are up” heechul said.  
Yesung just nodded in their direction.  
It was quiet for a moment before Leeteuk broke the news about the complaint.

“I clearly told you not to interfere with this matter.” Yesung said a voice filled with anger and frightened by what it will lead him to when he finds out about it.

“Yesung ah, the police wants you to explain the details to them in person,” Leeteuk said.   
“I am not going there, I am just going to withdraw it”  
“They won’t withdraw it, if the victim says so. We know about the scar words”

It felt like an ice bucket was thrown on him. The words? they knew? Suddenly my legs were wobbling and I couldn’t hold my own weight. Kyuhyun grabbed before I fell and helped me sit.   
“Hyung, we agreed not to tell him about that” Ryeowook said in his high pitched voice and he was angry and it was directed towards leeteuk hyung.  
Last night after Yesung’s hyung nightmare, the members agreed to temporarily hide the fact we knew about the scar, it was considered due to Hyung’s mental state right now was too fragile and it was better to wait before asking or telling him. It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet and Hyung just told him. I was so furious at him.

“Yesung ah” Leeteuk continued, he knew he should have waited but it's better to tell him now. Hiding won’t help him. “You.. please trust us.” A pleading voice sounded out. 

“I didn’t want to let you guys know. It’s better if I suffered alone ``Yesung said with a straight voice devoid of emotion.  
“Why do you want to know something, I insist on not telling and keep torturing me for answers.  
There’s a limit to how much I can bear” I ended up sniffling.

Heechul came closer and kneeled down and looked at me with affection  
“Jongwoon, hyung knows that we should have protected you before, I don’t know the full details of what occurred but from the little bits I found out, me and all the members are furious and want that person to be put in prison but being furious isn’t what we thought first. We are sorry that we didn’t notice, we are so ashamed of ourselves right now that we didn’t know, we never bothered, we never even tried to look after you and to protect you. That’s why the things we are doing right now is just so that you could be safe and we are trying to atone for what we should have known a long time ago. hyung is very sorry. I apologize Jongwoonie.”

“Hyung, it’s not your fault, I never blamed you guys. It was my decision to keep you guys out of the mess I created, and I couldn’t for no reason put our group name in danger.”

“Even if you didn’t tell us, we should have noticed it one way or another.” Leeteuk said as he made his way and sat beside yesung. Leeteuk still remembers that Yesung was screaming for our help with the time he spent with that monster. But he still wanted to keep the image of the group so he kept quiet and suffered for so many years relying on drugs to live through.  
“Yesungie, please stop thinking of the members and think about yourself for once. I know you always piriteze others before yourself but now is not the time. We care for you and we don’t want to see you suffer again and just for the sake of the members”

“ Buttt hyung?”

“No buts. We have been together for so long, it’s okay to be selfish now.”

“Yes hyung, we are always with you” all the members cheered on and then yesung realized that all the members were present in the room with him.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes for moment before I asked what the members wanted

“What do you want to know?” 

“Yesung ah, when did it start?”  
Looking back at the past a sad smile swept across my face, when did it go all wrong?

[Flashback]

The company had informed me a new manager was assigned as my previous one enlisted in the military. I was wondering if the new one would be able to keep up with work assuming I didn’t get a newbie. Oh well I might as well take care of him too wondering but before where is he? Wasn’t he supposed to be here half an hour ago? I am going to be late. I waited for like 5 minutes more before deciding to just take my own car.   
As I just made my way outside, a figure came to my line of sight and I stood still wondering who it was before the flustered man said  
“I-I am sorry I got lost”  
Pffttt

He was looking at me all flustered, his voice sounded like a kid though he was an inch shorter than me. I didn’t say anything, I just sighed and beckoned him to move away. He nodded and led me to the car. On the way, the only thing I said   
“Can you reach the venue without getting lost this time?” I emphasized the word this time just to let him know.  
He nodded thrice through the rear mirror.  
And I just let him do his own thing.  
When we reached the place, I told him when I will get free unless something occurs and I have to stay over. And told him in the meantime he could do whatever he wanted. He just looked at me and was about to say anything but I left not because I wanted to ignore the poor guy but I was already late.  
I went to the waiting room, changed my clothes and let the makeup noona’s do their work. I was going through the script one more time when someone tapped me and saw someone handing me coffee.  
“I know you like coffee so I bought it, here you go.” Said the new manager.  
I took it and mouthed thank you, he looked happy when I accepted the coffee. How can I say no to coffee? After I was done with the makeup, I went to the director to tell him sorry but before I could say anything  
“Yesung-ssi, your new manager told me that he got lost. That's why you're late today. He was very sorry. And he all went and bought us coffee because of his carelessness.”  
So he has a sense of responsibility after all

After that the shooting went smoothly, and I was free from it after 3 hours. I went to the waiting room to change and told the manager to let’s go back to the dorm.

In the car, there really wasn’t any conversation before I initiated 

“I heard you bought coffee for all the staff?” I asked.  
“It was because I was lost and I didn’t want anyone to trouble you because of my fault. So I had to apologize. I am sorry for getting lost” he looked so down

“Next time don’t come late okay but I appreciated that you went ahead to clarify.”   
He nodded after a while, we were back to the dorm so before I climbed out.  
“Good work today, I hope you have my schedule timings and what’s your name?”  
“It’s Moon Hanjae, yesung-ssi”  
“I will see you tomorrow then hanjae-ssi” 

After one month, both of us became close quite before things took a strange turn and started with words being thrown at me. I was recording for the new album and it was just me, all the members had just left, I was feeling a bit under the weather and the recording wasn’t going as planned, the producer told me to take a break and then continue so the rest of them went outside and it was just me and hanjae. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my airway so I could at least complete the work for today. I had managed to do the last song but as a result my voice was so hoarse right now so clearing is the only method I had in mind.

“Yesung, your voice is the only thing that makes you better than the members and you can’t even do a recording better” the voice held so menace that it made me pause for a second.  
“Hanjae, what are you…..”

Before I could say anything else, a hand grabbed my hair and pulled it forcefully earning a groan from me. 

“Yesung, consider your worth is only for singing so if you don’t do any better people will forget you.”  
I was scared because those were the insecurities I had when I debuted, I wasn’t handsome or could do variety, I just had my voice and now the members had immensely improved their vocals too.  
He shoved me down and I scratched my hand with something, my hand was stinging.  
“Perform better, so we could be done for the day.”

Before I could say anything the producer came back and hanjae was helping get backup, producer asked if there was an issue seeing that I was on the floor before I could reply  
“It’s nothing, yesung just slipped and he scratched his hand”  
I was so confused.  
“Yesung-ssi, should we continue?” the producer said.  
Hanjae’s hand hadn’t left me and his hand on me tightened. I just gave an okay sign to the producer and we were back to the session. At that moment, I just thought of completing my work first and surprisingly my voice had come out fine and I was done for today. I thanked the producer and was going outside before I stopped in my tracks, all of a sudden I didn’t want to enter the van. But before I could do something else.  
“Yesung-ssi, aren’t you going in?” the producer said who was coming to get in his own car. ”Isn’t it cold outside. Hurry up get inside”  
I nodded and forcefully or not I ended up with my manager who was driving towards the dorm.  
The journey was in silence. When we reached the dorm, I just walked out.  
“I will see you tomorrow yesung.” And he left

I entered the room in a daze and Ryeowook was standing in the living room and I just walked past him.  
“Yesungie,” Ryeowook said, holding a mug. “You ignored me” his cheeks fumed.  
“Oh, I am sorry I was tired, Wookie ah.”  
“I know, I was teasing you hyung, you're still feeling a bit under aren’t you. Here I made this for you.” Pointing to the mug.

I took the mug from his hands and before I could drink it, I pulled it away from my nose.

“Wookie, this smells”  
He chuckled   
“Of course it does, it’s a medicine. Now drink it, its effects are worth it” he ushered me to hurry up and drink and did as I was told.  
Neither did it smell nice nor did it taste good but I still drank it because ryeowook made it in the midst of his work.

“Happy now, it’s still disgusting.”  
“I know, I drink this too. That’s why I eat a piece of chocolate” he said before pulling out a piece.  
I took it and ate it.  
“Now, let’s go and sleep hyung.”  
We walked towards our room, I just landed straight on my bed forgetting about the wound and just let sleep take over me.  
I was woken up by the alarm sound, drowsily I reached my phone to turn it off before realizing it wasn’t my alarm that was ringing. I eyed Ryeowook's bed but he was still curled up and sleeping so it wasn’t his either.  
Curses where is this alarm sound coming from.

5 minute later…  
Ringgggg….

Damn it, I dragged myself up to find the source of the sound and I finally reached Kyuhyun's room. I should have known it was him. I opened the door and he was still sleeping. How are you sleeping with this noise? I turned off the alarm and a minute later another one started ringing. I opened his phone and all the alarms were 1 minute gap of the other sighing I turned them all off before waking kyuhyun up  
“KYUHYUN. Wake up!!!”  
“Hyung?” in a sleepy voice “5 more minutes.”  
Just sleep for eternity. I rolled my eyes and made my way outside the room.

Now I was fully awake and there was no way I would be going to sleep again, I took a stroll outside and wandered mindlessly. I went back inside the dorm half an hour later to see kyuhyun and ryeowook in the dining table eating cereal

“Morning hyung, come and eat”   
I went and sat in the vacant seat, donghae also had woken up and joined. I was pouring cereal in the bowl when Donghae grabbed my hand. I raised my eyebrows as to why but  
“Hyung, your hand!” he said, I looked down at the mentioned hand and saw the injury from yesterday.   
“It’s nothing hae ah, it’s just a scratch.”  
“Idiot hyung, kyu go grab the aid kit.” Ryeowook said.  
“Yah, I am older than you don’t call me an idiot” I complained   
“Say that when you act like one”  
Kyu had come back and Ryeowook was seeing through the wound and bandaging it. When he was done he said  
“So how did you get the scratch?”   
“I don’t know actually.” Which was half the truth I to be honest really didn’t know.

He nodded and we ate our breakfast in peace before the other members had also woken up and joined one by one. We were all talking and telling the rest stories about their works.

After some time the members started leaving one by one to their work and so was I.   
On the way to work, I didn’t talk with the manager. There was just something going on and I didn’t want to talk about this right now either so I chose to take the silence path.  
After being done with work, we went to the dorm, there wasn’t any member there except me and hanjae was also standing inside the dorm because there was a lot of stuff that needed to be carried inside.  
After he had put everything down, I mustered up my courage and asked him

“Why did you do that yesterday?”  
“I did what?” he said in a sweet voice  
“Don’t play innocent, you laid your hand on me”  
“Oh, I did that because you had to do something. Yesung let’s be honest if I didn’t do that yesterday, you wouldn’t have been able to record”  
“I would have recorded it today. That’s not your headache.” I said while raising my voice but as soon as I had raised it. A hand was around me my throat,

“Yesung, do not raise your voice against me and the next time you do the only thing worth about you will be gone” he grinned.  
“Also you should grow to like pain because that’s the only thing you are going to get from now on” he said while he brushed across my arms and pushed his nails to my skin and pulled out when he had managed to make a wound on it.

“I will see you tomorrow, Jongwoon”

The voice brought chills to my skin.


	15. Chapter 15

Things took a turn slowly, it started with words being thrown at me of being useless and trash to normal beatings. If I couldn’t perform right or be feeling under the weather it soon led to more beatings. It was always one-sided, I never ever fought back, now I wonder why I didn’t but mostly when all my insecurities were brought up and placed in front of the plate it just made me not able to say anything against it. Slowly, I just felt that I deserved all of them and quickly lost all the will to shout which was the only thing I ever did, the quicker he lets out, the quicker I get free and act normal.

My mom soon noticed I was acting weird, but one accident had made her send me to my cousin. During the whole beatings and the words and thrashing, I couldn’t fall asleep anymore, and when I did it resulted in me shouting because my dreams consisted of him doing it all over it again in my nightmares. I had fallen asleep in the dorm due to my yelling every time, the only time I was able to sleep was when no members were present in the dorm but either it was an accidence or something, Kyuhyun had come back earlier and had found me groaning in my sleep, he woke me up. 

“Hyung, are you okay?” 

I tried to focus myself, my eyes hurt. I was at least planning to sleep for 2 hours.

“Yeah, I am fine.” I got up from the bed and tried to change the conversation. “Your back early?”

“Oh, the shooting was canceled so I just came back”

I smiled and was going out when a hand kinda pulled me back to sit on the bed. I yelped and Kyuhyun looked terrified about what I did just then. He pulled away quickly, I tried to just take a deep breath and told him nothing was wrong. 

To be honest the pulling wasn’t anything bad but since my whole body was falling apart, a small action just made it worse.

Kyuhyun tried to ask me what’s wrong, but I brushed it aside and he didn’t ask anything more. 

Things just started getting worse, with me getting no sleep, I wasn’t even properly eating anymore. The whole matter was just stressing me so out that I was causing much harm to the group as a whole. I was so tired all the time, singing was what I liked but now I was dreading the whole idea of it. It just made me want to quit everything but because of the members I just worked.

I worked like a robot who liked it, didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, or just do what I was told to do but sooner or later my health caught up to me and I collapsed while we were rehearsing for the concert. It just hurt so much all over, I was numb over the pains hidden beneath my clothes, wrapped in bandages but sometimes when there were too many bruises I couldn’t bear it anymore. 

Shindong was beside me and helped me up but my legs literally had no strength. In the end, Shindong and Siwon both had to carry me in the waiting room. They put me down and I was just trying to control my breathing when Leeteuk Hyung suggested going back home and rest initially I was just going to stay but he convinced me otherwise and to be honest, I really wanted to just take a rest right then.

“Hanjae-ssi, take Yesung home’

At that time I wanted to stay right there and then but there was nothing I could do about it or make any valid excuse, I just followed him out. Siwon asked if he needed any help but I just smiled at him shaking my head. 

As we made it back to the car, the heavy silence with each stuff was more terrifying than ever. As soon as we reached the car, he grabbed my hand and literally shoved me inside, and shut the door. The impact did shoot pain all over but except for voicing it I just bit my lip, I didn’t want any sound to be heard. 

“Yesung, you are really useless. What do I even do with you?”

He just drove me to my house and before leaving me he said

“I will leave you alone for today but next time if you faint you are getting the worst treatment then”

He left like that, my head and my whole body was screaming in agony. I couldn’t really think about anything else. I just entered the pin code and made my way inside. I greeted my mother but before she said anything, I told her I was tired. I will just go and sleep for now. She smiled and nodded and I may have put on a smile but I don’t really know. I dragged my tired body to my room and just dropped straight to bed, the impact did shoot up the pain more but at that point, my brain and body were so numb that I just found myself fleeting towards sleep, I hadn’t slept in a while and either it was because of the familiarity of being in my house with my parents or I felt safe there but I had fallen asleep after who knows how many days. But sleep is a commodity I don’t have because the nightmare soon started, and I was woken up, and seeing a figure near me, by reflex I pushed it aside but as soon as I actually came to my senses did I notice it was my mother. I was literally on my knees 

“Mom, I am so sorry. Are you okay?” I said while trying to check if I injured her or something.

She looked at me with those sad eyes before speaking

“Hospital”

“Are you hurt badly, wait let me call..” but before I reached my cell phone she grabbed my shirt and I shifted my intention to her.

“Not for me Jongwoon, you, you need to go to a hospital” literally at that moment I felt that time stopped.

“But mom, why..”

“Jongwoon, I am your mother and I am not blind.” She closed her eyes and then spoke again. “I heard you screaming like you were in pain, y-you… look at yourself right now. You look pale every day, under your eyes I see the black bags growing bigger, and I know you're also not eating. Jongwoonie, please for your mother’s sake go and visit the hospital. I will set up the appointment. Just please…”

I didn’t speak for a while before finally nodding my head and my mother finally put out a small smile before going out of my room, leaving the guilt behind me.

Was it that worse? That my mom noticed if she had noticed that my members aren’t blind, no wonder Leeteuk insisted on me going home. 

The next day, mom had taken me along to a hospital, I complained there wasn’t like I couldn’t refuse, it's more like I knew I had to go, leaving the physical aside, for now, mentally it was exhausting me. The pain didn’t hurt but in my mind, it was harder to fight it. I always felt that I was drowning somewhere and I was barely holding on like I was barely able to breathe.

We entered a room and found my cousin sitting there. Mom greeted him and he looked at me. it's been a while since I have seen Hyung again, to be honest, well not the best meet up.

Mom said, “I will wait for you outside”

“Mom, I have a schedule I need to leave afterward, you should go home for now”

She wanted to say something but nodded in understanding and left.

I sat in the chair beside Hyung and it was just silence before he said

“How are you? Jongwoon?”

“I am fine”

“People don’t come here if they are fine”

“I suppose that is true” smiling sadly.

“Do you want to share?”

“….”

“It’s okay for now I will prescribe you some medicines”

“I didn’t say anything though”

“You don’t have to, I can figure some stuff out if not the entire thing”

I smiled and he handed me the prescription, 

“You can make these for your insomnia and visit me when you can. Okay!?”

I nodded and went outside but before leaving

“Jongwoon, you can open up to me”

I closed the door behind. After my visit everything was rushed I didn’t find time any time to visit again, the meds definitely helped me overall and my condition improved, him laying hands on me also decreased so it wasn’t all bad like it was seriously turning back to the time when everything was okay but then I slipped during the stage and while nothing major happened to me but hanjae saw and took me out of the room and Sungmin saw the whole beatings.

[flashback ends]

Everyone was silent for a while before 

“Are you all just going to stare at me?” the wordings sounded cold even if I didn’t mean to put it out like that

“No, I am going to rip that mother fucker apart,” Heechul hyung said “How dare he lay hands on you for so long!!!?” 

Hyung was fuming and angry, all the members had similar reactions, those are what I thought how they would react but behind their anger, I knew they were guilty of not knowing the whole deal sooner.

“Yesung-ah” I looked up to Leeteuk Hyung “Why did you bear it? Why didn’t you shut him up when he first knocked you out.” Hyung was sad I knew he was heartbroken.

“I..”

“Hyung, did you think you deserved it?” ryeowook said and all the members were sending him death glares.

I smiled softly and looked down, “Literally ryeowook, I was your roommate for over 10 years you know me so well.”

The moment hyung said that it was true, it was the moment I just wanted to stitch my mouth and not speak again.

“Wait what yesung.. you actually thought you deserved it?” Heechul said looking shocked, all the others were gasping at the realization.

“Hyung bu-tt butt why?” Eunhyuk said and he was on the verge of crying.

Ryeowook came closer and knelt beside me and stared at me with those chocolate brown orbs of his.

“Why don’t you take a guess, ryeowook?”

“Idiot sungie hyung, you're really an idiot”

“I won’t deny I am not”

Ryeowook started crying.

“H-hyung!?” Kyuhyun called out looking a bit unsure what to say and glancing back to ryeowook and then at me.

“Jongwoon!” Leeteuk said pressing me to continue

“I-I thought because it actually was able to make me work and perform better on stage, either because I was scared if I didn’t do better I would get more beatings or because he scared me but I did better and after a while, I thought it was the only way to make me function.

People complimented me more and even I saw the results. It was better than before. The words he began to throw at me I gradually believed every single word of it and after some time it was embedded in my conscience.``

“Wait, with what you are saying right now, you grew to like it” I nodded “Then, what did you do after he went” Leeteuk paused his words not really wanting to know but “away”

“He tortured himself” Jaehyuk had come back in the midst of conversation to answer it, knowing that Jongwoon won’t really know how to answer or explain this.

I looked at Jongwoon and he just glanced at me and I took a note to the other members and they were all crying.  _ I can see why he never wanted to mention this in front of them. They all look so broken after hearing it _ .

“I came to check his wounds” looking back to Jongwoon again. “Can I take him to the other room?” I asked and Leeteuk nodded, still looking distraught and I helped Jongwoon up and took him to the other room before closing it Jongwoon took a glance at the other members before I shut the door blocking his view.

  
  
  


After Hyung was taken back to the other room, it was just me and the members all staying frozen in the place. No one said anything, they were indeed crying who would not. That idiot hyung!!. I want to knock some sense into him. I cried so much after I figured and drew the dots together, I know hyung acted like that, I literally failed him.

“Teukie, what are we going to do now?” Heechul asked, making every member turn in his direction.

“I honestly don’t know, Heechul-ah. I really don’t know ``Hyung's head was staring at the floor.

“We need to do something, I want that bastard in JAIL!!!!!!” Kyuhyun's voice trailed on. “That person who hurt my hyung like that has to suffer behind bars. Who dares come back to hyung like that?” Kyuhyun was shouting at the top of his lungs.

“Kyuhyun is right, I am going to ask for help, I know some people in the police. I will ask them to find him quickly and put him in prison.” Siwon looked all frustrated but was up and about to make some calls.

“No, wait, Siwon wait,” Shindong said. Siwon looked at him all confused before he continued “Don’t make this case big”

“Shindong hyung, are you serious, are you actually considering if this comes into open, it will damage our image? Are you for real hyung” Siwon growled.

“No, Siwon that’s not it, we need to take this slow. Yesung hyung must have a reason if he hasn’t come out and it's impossible he didn’t for once tried to go to the police''

“What are you getting at? Shindong?” Leeteuk asked

“What if he’s blackmailing hyung?” 

That sentence shut up everyone. No one knew how to rebuke the statement.

“Even if he is being blackmailed, we still need to report it,” Eunhyuk said.

“I am not saying we close this case, I am saying to do this all while remaining vigilant. If Hyung was actually being blackmailed, he will come after Hyung again. We need to prepare ourselves and right now the most important thing we need is evidence. Even if we make a report and there’s no evidence the case will be closed before it even starts” he yelled out.

“But Hyung can explain them,” Donghae said.

“No, he won’t come out,” ryeowook said after listening to shindong’s hyung explanation. “Hyung only told us because we were begging him for answers but he has already told us, he won’t acknowledge anything or go to the police which highly means..”

“He is being blackmailed” Kyuhyun completed the sentence.

“Then it’s more of certain we tell the police” Siwon urged 

“I agree. Siwon informs your acquaintances.” Leeteuk said.

“No wait, don’t call them” Heechul interrupted 

“Why?” Leeteuk asked.

“That guy wants Yesung which means he will try to come and take him from us because that is what he said to me before leaving. If we do anything reckless, yesung would get hurt.”

“Chullie, then we should go inform this to the police more quickly,” Leeteuk said

“Do it but do it in secret, I don’t want him in front of yesung ever again”

For once everyone in the room nodded their heads in agreement.

In the other room

All the conversation could be heard and Yesung was looking down while Jaehyuk was taking a look at his wounds.

“The members care for you a lot. Why didn’t you tell them before?” Jaehyuk asked curiously as to why Yesung had hidden it till now.

He smiled softly, “You heard them right, they would do anything for me but I don’t want them to get in trouble, this was something the weak me had started, I don’t want them to clean my mess.”

“But they are going to clean that mess up”

“Indeed they are” 

He’s reverting back to that time when he had….

As I finished bandaging the wounds again. Before leaving the room, I turned towards him

“You didn’t tell them  _ that _ ”

“No, I will take that towards my grave”


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

**Trigger warning- > mention of suicide**

* * *

“Were you trying to make Jongwoon hear the entire conversation?” Jaehyuk asked as soon as he came out of the room.

“No,” Siwon said.

“Well, he heard.”

“And what was his reaction?” Heechul asked.

“What do you expect?” 

“Not friendly?” Heechul continued.

Jaehyuk nodded his head.

“How are his wounds? Does he really not have to go to the hospital?” Donghae asked, he was fidgeting.

“No, he doesn’t have to well *paused* he wouldn’t have gone in the first place either.

His thigh wounds would be fine in 2-3 days, his shoulder will take a while to heal but it’s nothing he can’t handle, just help him out.”

All members nodded understanding the instructions.

Jaehyuk was leaving when Leeteuk voiced out.

“Jaehyuk-ssi, What will happen if we report the accident?”

“Are you asking me an opinion as his doctor or as his cousin?”

“Both.”

“It will not be a pleasant outcome. Whatever or however you try to convince him he will not utter anything. I had tried it before, it didn’t work. What did happen when I tried to force resulting him not taking his meds and causing more harm to himself then good.” 

“Jaehyuk-ssi you said that he harmed himself? What do you mean by that?” Shindong asked looking worried.

“it’s just like I said, it’s mostly aftermath from a trauma, Jongwoon was receiving beatings and degrading words thrown at him for a long period of time and even after he had gone away. Jongwoon couldn’t function without receiving anything as a backlash so as a result, he found methods in self-harming himself. I didn’t know it when he came for the second time, at first I assumed he was trying to fix his insomnia but gradually he told me when I found him once trying to ..”

_[flashback]_

Aunty had invited me to dinner but it was more of an excuse to check Jongwoon out, so I went up to his room to call him and the site really terrified him and _to this day haunts him_. Jongwoon was blankly staring at a handful of pills in his hand and ready to swallow them all. 

It was literally a miracle I had arrived just in time to see it and slapped the pills away.

“JONGWOON!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?” I shouted at him

And he just stared at me with those same blank eyes those shiny eyes lost somewhere.

“Hy..yung g I am just so tired..dd. I j.just wan.nt it to go awayy” he broke down in front of me. I still didn’t know what was going on.

I went closer to him and hugged him but when I felt that his body was too hot and when I touched his forehead, he shivered with the touch but I knew he had a fever.

I was going to call the hospital but he gripped me, he was barely holding on

“Hyung, no .. h hospital. And don’t tell eomma” and he collapsed soon after. 

I did as he told me, I monitored him for the night and told aunty that will look after him, she wanted him to get admitted but I somehow convinced her.

_[flashback ends]_

All the members were shocked

“W-wait hyung tried to commit ?” Ryeowook said with tearing filling his eyes.

“He couldn’t hold on any longer, when he woke up after his fever subsided he told me everything and also showed me the bruises. They were terrifying and I really just wanted to then go and catch the person who did that but Jongwoon begged me to stay away or else he would do it again. I couldn’t do anything if I forced my way through and at that time when he was so fragile anything could have finished him. He couldn’t really function without meds any longer, the nightmares were consuming him from the inside out and he was literally losing himself.”

“Wait then at that day” Kyuhyun interrupted,

“What day? Kyu?” Eunhyuk asked.

“I came back early to the dorm as my schedule was canceled there wasn’t anywhere there except Yesung hyung and he was yelling in his sleep, I woke him up and he looked more terrified of me. I asked him what was wrong but he shrugged it and I never saw hyung like that again so I never brought it up again” Kyuhyun said and realizing the mistake he made of not noticing those tiny gestures. 

“Jongwoon, that kid will always look after others before himself, he would never want to trouble you guys. That day the reason why he didn’t want to go to the hospital was …”

“Because the doctors would find hyung’s bruises and it will lead to a scandal,” Ryeowook said with tears falling down his face.

“Ryeowook-ssi is right. That was the main reason, he didn’t want to trouble you then and he still won’t ask for help today either.”

“Jaehyuk-ssi, you mentioned Jongwoon condition improved?” Leeteuk said his eyes staring at the closed door.

“After hanjae left, Jongwoon was having trouble singing, he couldn’t sing anymore without his voice cracking and it terrified him a lot.”

“But why?” Siwon asked “I mean out of all us we all respect Hyung’s voice and consider it the best”

“The members do but not for the general public, for them he looked like an idol who couldn’t sing anymore which means he should quit, he read a lot of comment about it and especially his stage name. the comments were ugly and he found them as the truth. I tried everything, therapies, sessions it wasn’t working and his career wasn’t helping him relax, he was being attacked from all sides so one day he told me he wanted to enlist. I was shocked but he told me he couldn’t go on any longer and right then he just wanted to escape the industry life.”

“I remember that day, we were all gathered in the dorm together and were drinking when Yesung hyung broke the news that he would enlist 3 days later,” Eunhyuk said.

“Was he f-fine there?” Heechul asked nervously.

“I won’t say he was fine but he was getting better, there he didn’t need to worry about anything so he gradually was improving I visited him once a while to check on him and he was getting better and better. After he came back, he would still get 1 or 2 attacks but that was about it.”

“And then the creep came out and ruined him,” Kyuhyun said, he was angry I mean who could do that to our precious hyung like that. The one who always has looked after us but we never truly tried to look after him.

“That’s why I am asking you all to look after him but at the same time don’t force him.”

Jaehyuk eyed the door and to the members before leaving the dorm.

  
  
  


An uncomfortable tension hung in the air, members didn’t know what to do. After hearing everything and letting the works sank into them. One thing for sure what the members felt was pure remorse and guilt towards Yesung. 

“Teukie hyung. The call should I?” Siwon asked

“Let’s ask Yesung first.” He replied.

“What will you do if he says no?” 

“Regardless of his answer, we still need to ask him.”

“Hyung.” Ryeowook said looking towards Teukie hyung, his eyes all red after the crying.

“Wait for tomorrow.”

Leeteuk didn’t say but nodded.

“Heechul, what are you going to do right now?” Leeteuk faced him.

“I will stay here for today, I am going to cancel my schedules for a week now.”

“But won’t you get in trouble?” Leeteuk asked in a concerned tone.

“Yesungie deserves me sticking to his side, I am going to be sticking to him like glue from now onwards, but I need to finish a recording for today. I will come back afterward. Can you call me if something..”

“Go, I will tell you.” 

Heechul nodded and made his way to the door frame and disappeared.

“What are the rest of you guys going to do?” Leeteuk faced his direction to the younger members.

“Donghae and me don’t have anything planned we will be staying with Yesung hyung” Eunhyuk replied.

“I need to go to a recording.” Kyuhyun said “I will come back afterward and will cancel the rest”

“I am going to stay here,” Ryeowook said.

“We are also free,” Shindong and Siwon said. 

“Okay then.”

The members went to do their respective jobs, the ones who had to go to the recording went to their destination to efficiently and quickly finish their work so they can come back sooner while the members in the dorm felt restless in the beginning not sure what they should be doing as Yesung’s hyung door was closed and they didn’t want to go and disturb him so some went back to their homes to pack their belonging. Eunhyuk convinced Leeteuk to leave and do his work and he will call if something happens. Leeteuk was unsure but nodded when Ryeowook convinced him and ended up leaving. Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk were the members who lived in the dorm so they had their belongings there. 

“Ryeongu, do you need to go and get some stuff?” Eunhyuk asked after Leeteuk left.

“No, I will stay here, all the members are gone right now and I rather stay here” he looked towards the closed door.

“Okay, let’s go to my room it’s better than staring at the wall.” 

Ryeowook was reluctant to leave the spot where he was standing, it felt like he was closer to hyung at this place and really didn’t want to go to a room where he won’t be near him but Eunhyuk hyung knew he was feeling perplexed about it so he grabbed my hand and dragged me to his room and he was about to shut the door before he left a small opening open _just in case_

“…”

“Hyung?”

“Ryeongu, what are we going to do?”

“What do you mean by that?” Ryeowook was puzzled behind the meaning of the question.

“About hyung, what if he doesn’t want him arrested?”

“Then we need to convince him somehow” 

“But from what Jaehyuk-ssi explained…”

“I know what you are thinking but we need to be with him right now. Yes he won’t listen to us but we going to do our best ”

“To do what convince me?” a husky voice spoke out drawing our attention to the man leaning against the door.

“Yesung hyung!!” Eunhyuk hyung said looking like he was caught in a bad act right now.

“Sungie hyung?” Ryeowook said staring at him.

“Wookie, are you older then me since when have you started making decisions for me.”

“Since hyung became an idiot.”

“Are you calling me an idiot?”

“Totally. Fine, I give up.”

“I win always,”

“Stop bragging and make me something I am hungry.”

Ryeowook face glowed he was so happy that hyung finally asked something from him and the best of all it was food.

“Wookie, are you that happy about feeding me?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“Yup”

I stood up came closer to hyung, I felt his body tense up but it was gone after a moment, I looked at him and smiled and grabbed his uninjured shoulder, and pulled him towards the kitchen.

“Ryeongu. Me too. I am also hungry” Eunhyuk voice trailed out from the room and Yesung hyung chuckled and it made me happy seeing him smiling like that.

I told hyung to sit at the dining table and pulled Eunhyuk hyung and asked him for help and for now dug in the fridge to search for any ingredients, I needed to make something light for now but there weren’t many options so just decided for a simple egg sandwich with boiled mashed eggs, butter, mayonnaise, red chili flakes, ketchup, and pepper. Mixing it together I spread it on the sandwich and served it on the plate and put it in front of Yesung hyung. Eunhyuk hyung was going to take the sandwich when I slapped his hand away glaring at him and he was pouting.

“Yesung hyung, ryeowook is being rude towards me.” 

Hyung just laughed at the drama going on and just patted hyung’s head and took the sandwich and 

“Wookie, this is really delicious.” Hyung was munching and I was really happy he was eating.

Eunhyuk hyung was giving out puppy looks and Yesung hyung shoved a sandwich to his mouth to stop him from pouting and he started munching happily. Hyung just cutely laughed.

His laugh is so nice to hear how did that person just wanted to make our hyung only cry? I thought

“Wookie?” hyung said in a concerned voice. “What are you thinking about?”

“I am thinking what to make for dinner, it has been a while I cooked for the members.”

“Whatever you cook it will be the best” I smiled 

“But hyung there aren’t any ingredients in the fridge.” I whined.

“Ask the members to buy some or send this monkey”

“Yah, hyung!!!!”

Ryeowook and yesung burst out laughing.

“Okay, I will go call the members.”

I messaged in the group chat 

// Who’s free and closer to the dorms right now? //

**_Siwon enters the chat_ **

Siwon:

// I am 5 minutes away.//

// Why did something happen? //

// Is it HYUNG? //

Ryeowook:

// No//

// I need to make dinner someone needs to buy me groceries //

// Hyung is finally eating so I want to make something for dinner. //

**_*Shindong enters the chat*_ **

Shindong:

// I am also close. //

// Ryeowook send the list me and Siwon will go and buy them.//

_List sent_

* **_Chat finished_ ***

Sometime after, Kyuhyun was the first who came back from work, he greeted everyone and was happy to see Yesung hyung out. He excused himself and went to take a shower. Leeteuk and Heechul also arrived 5 minutes later and went and sat towards Hyung, Ryeowook was going to tell them to back off but Heechul started talking about his work and random topics and Yesung responded to them as well.

Soon Siwon and Shindong had arrived with the groceries and Leeteuk, Kyuhyun and Ryeowook were in the kitchen in the midst of preparing for the dinner.

The rest didn’t disturb them as they would have been of no help but except Yesung and the members who were cooking the rest playing rock-paper scissors and the two people who lose would be cleaning and sorting out the mess.

And guess who lost it was Donghae and Eunhyuk.

“How many times do I have to lose in this game?” he shrugged 

“Well kiddo you have zero luck,” Heechul said and Eunhyuk was slumping.

“Yesung hyung!!” Siwon said.

“Hmm”

“Let’s watch a movie, it’s a good movie I was recommended to by my friends. Let’s watch it together.”

Yesung nodded and the rest made their way to the living room and watching the movie till the food was being prepared.

The movie ended and soon Ryeowook called the members out to eat, literally it was a feast and the members starting digging into the food straight away.

Ryeowook made a plate and placed it in front of Yesung hyung and he smiled and urged him to eat, which he did soon and later. 

Then all the members were seated and talking randomly, it felt like they never heard anything in the morning and it was just a normal meet-up.

Leeteuk had handed Yesung his medicines in the middle of dinner when he went to the room and retrieved the pills, Yesung was hesitant at first but he gulped them down after Leeteuk hyung asked to. 

The members were done with dinner and the losers were cleaning the dishes.

Yesung excused himself in the middle and said he was tired and he wanted to rest.

“Yesung-ah, if there’s any issue, we will be here so call us. Okay?” Leeteuk said and Yesung nodded and went inside the room.

  
  


After hyung left, everyone was still talking but deep down everyone was thinking about the same thing. _How to keep Yesung from getting hurt again?_

For now they were able to avoid the conversation and talked randomly but they couldn’t do it every day.

“For now, all of you go to sleep” Leeteuk said. “Kyuhyun, you sleep with Donghae and Eunhyuk. Shindong you share a room with Siwon. I will be with Heechul in the other, ryeowook you also.. “

“Hyung I will sleep on the couch,” Ryeowook said cutting Leeteuk off.

“But, no it’s fine and ..” looking towards the door. Leeteuk nodded in the end and everyone went to their assorted rooms and I grabbed a blanket and pillow from Kyuhyun and laid on the couch, after an hour later. I could faintly hear a grasp from inside the room but that’s all there was. I waited for another noise to be heard but there was nothing I wanted to go inside but didn’t want to disturb him but my feet were in front of the door at the next moment. I kicked softly and opened the door peaking in.

Yesung hyung was sitting in the bed staring at the window, those black eyes reflecting nothing.

I walked inside and sat beside him.

“Sungie hyung, can’t sleep?”

“Hmm”

“Is it because of the nightmares?”

“Hmm”

“How do I make them go away?”

Yesung hyung looked at me and smiled softly.

“Wookie, I wish I would know the answer to that as well.” I frowned hyung sounded so sad.

“I wish they could go away but I still dream the same thing and it feels worse when I take pills, they numb my body but my mind becomes active.”

I bit my lips not knowing how to solve his problems, the only thing I could do was grab his hand tightly.

“I don’t want to relive those moments either but I am getting tired now. Its exhausting”

“Hyung …” I was cut off when another person came and stood in front of Yesung hyung.

Hyung looked up and saw and Heechul hyung standing in front of him smiling softly at his direction.

“Yesungie, you can let it out now.” 

Hyung said nothing but just stared at him.

“I and the members” pointing towards the door, Yesung turned around to the direction “Will not leave you alone, we will protect you. So Yesungie let it out. You don’t need to act strong in front of us. We are your members.”

“Yesung-ah” Leeteuk said. “It is going to be okay now.”

“Really”

“Of course hyung” Ryeowook gripped Hyung’s small hands and tried to ensure him.

Soon after Yesung started crying and Heechul just hugged him tightly caressing him and saying

“Let it all out, it is going to be okay now”

Seeing their hyung breakdown in front of them had an only thing in mind regardless of their different personality one thing they all silently agreed at was they going Hanjae pay for what he has done.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
